Real or Not?
by Ars Silentium
Summary: What if it's already been a year for you, and it's been great, only to find out that everything could be false. What would you do? Well, I can't say I don't know because I actually might know. This...is my story.
1. Anticipated Play in Burmecia

-This is a depressing story...-sad face- It's...it's just sad. In a way. There's a sense of depression. The whole plot's been planned and everything. Just thought you should know. It's kind of messed, and I sorta overused the _Italics_ a tad bit too much. When a word is _Italicized_, it must mean it's a flashback or a line remembered in a 'present' scene, or it's a word that has emphasis.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Final Fantasy IX. If I did...um...I don't know what would happened. There would probably be a remake and the You're Not Alone Scene to be...longer?

* * *

The Iifa Tree...wow. That was one place I don't want to remember. There were a handful of places I don't want to remember; the Iifa Tree is one, the other is Desert Palace, Crystal World, Memoria. Terra. Oh god, Terra especially. I wanted to forget...but I couldn't. I couldn't because it was like I didn't want to. One must wonder why I'm in such a spiral of contradicting feelings.

I think I forgot to tell you who I was. I'm Zidane Tribal, famous thief who saved the world from my own brother. I thought I saved him too, but...

I used to think I was like everyone else—normal, with a normal life, but the tail always reminded me that I could be something else. Whenever Baku saw that look on my face, he would slap my back and give a laugh.

_'Something got you down?' _he always asked, that hearty laugh making me feel better.

_'No, Boss.' _I would grin.

_'That's better!'_

But now, Baku knows that the usual things he does to make me happy won't work anymore. Hell, the whole Tantalus knows that. It was like I had my own world that they felt they couldn't take part in. Maybe that's why they look at me with such sad eyes. Maybe it's because they know that I don't want to be in my own world, but I can't get out. Like I was trapped; a helpless canary stuck in a cage.

"Zidane?" Ruby came into my room.

"Yeah?"

"You wanna eat? There's some tasty grub downstairs. Yer gonna starve if ya don't eat breakfast!"

"Okay." I smiled faintly, leaping off the bed. "I'll be down in a minute..."

She nodded, returning a smile, then left. I looked back at the bed, trying to solve that question that seemed to know no answer. It was sad. My life was sad. Everything was now. What the hell happened to make my life a big glass filled to the brim with depression? Oh, I remember. My supposed purpose. The lies I thought were true. I felt like an anti hero, killing my own brother. I thought it was his own lifespan that took him away, not my dagger. Wasn't it his lifespan that took him away?

_'Some questions are better left without an answer.' _Baku told me once, a serious look on his face._ 'The answers can be too painful. We're better off livin' without answers like those.'_

_'But aren't they the truth?'_

_'There are just some things that are better left unsaid; unknown.'_

I jump down from my room on the Prima Vista, slowly walking towards the room. No one has sparked a conversation with me as much recently, it was always Baku. Everyone already has the impression that I just lost it; lost my sanity. I don't think I have, if I hadn't gone killing people, I haven't gone insane, right?

...right?

"Hey Zidane." Blank said, eying me quite carefully. "How was your sleep?"

I smiled faintly. "Normal."

He eyed me for a few more seconds then went back to drinking his coffee. I know, Blank, I've changed. It's obvious, anyone can see it.

I looked at Marcus, who had his back turned to me. He was looking for other things to eat other than Ruby's cooking in the cabinet. Ruby wasn't minding Marcus and just went about her business. Cinna was always, _always_ making coffee. I took my seat, resting my head on my arms. I was tired from staying up late just to memorize my part. I had an easier time when he...

No, I shouldn't think about it.

"You look tired..." Cinna commented. "Up late again?"

I nodded my head silently, feeling heavy eye bags pulling my head down. It's like I was drifting in and out of sleep, I definitely needed something that could keep me awake. The play wasn't today, but it was near. Tomorrow, at Burmecia. I've never performed in Burmecia, but I guess it was to celebrate the success of their efforts, restoring the place and all. I felt my skin crawl. Burmecia; I just knew Freya was there. Oh god, Freya. She'd recognize me from a mile away.

"Here." Cinna put down a cup of coffee in front of me. "It's your favorite. Has a bit of hazelnut syrup in there."

"Thanks..."

"No falling asleep on the table!" Baku slapped my back, sending a sharp pain down my spine. I sat up straight, cringing at the needles I could feel on my back. I mentally snarled. He's my foster dad, but...damn his hits hurt like hell.

"Argh...that stings..." I stretched a little, picking up my coffee and taking a sip.

"You should know better than to sleep late."

"It was to memorize the play..."

"_Still_."

I gave him a small pout and shut my eyes, gulping down the hazelnut coffee. I sighed. "Fine, whatever floats your boat..."

* * *

I disobeyed Baku's orders again, only in secrecy. I held the script tightly, a cup of yet another coffee beside me. The moon has been up there for the past eight to nine hours. Meaning it's way past midnight. I couldn't sleep, and at the same time, I kept forgetting one line. I keep reading it again and again, but somehow, it never seems to escape my lips as fluidly as everything else did. Whenever I had to say the line, I remember everything that I shouldn't. I understood it; I understood the line, I know what it means. I just...can't.

"I shan't kill you, my brother. I too, have such a heavy heart filled with hate, but alas, my morality forbids such a crime." I muttered, pausing a while. I threw the script to the ground and laughed softly. "Sounds so _damn_ familiar. Ha. I can't say this..."

I plopped down on my bed, trying to say the line again. "I shan't kill you, my brother. I too...have such a heavy heart filled with hate...but...alas, my morality..." I paused. "forbids such a crime." I was half successful again. At least I can remember it, but I can't say it as fluidly as I should. This was about the twentieth time I repeated this line in the past hour. That was just how horrible and how distracted I can get. I want to sleep, but as of now, I can't.

I suddenly remember my old self. Ha, there I go again, looking through memories.

'_Ha! Blank, you just got owned._'

'_You're full of crap, Zidane._'

'_I know you are, but what am I?_'

'_Shut up!_'

I was always so cheery, I always had the power to change people somehow. I always laughed. Now, I'm just a big lump of depression and questions, I don't even know what happened. What am I saying? I know what happened. I guess I'm just wondering why it's affecting me so much.

"You disobeyed me again." Baku sighed. I jumped up from the bed, startled. I immediately stepped on the script and kick it backwards, under the bed. He walked closer and closer, he didn't look angry. Just...sad. Why...? Why is everyone so...?

"Sleep. I already asked someone else to fill—"

"I can _do_ this, Boss!"

"You should know by now there are things you _can't_ do." Baku snapped, but still kept his voice as low as possible. "It's three in the morning, you should sleep. You know how much you need sleep. Especially now. You can't just throw away your rest time."

"I know I can't just throw it away. I know I need to sleep. I know everything you're telling me but I can do this! I can...I..."

Baku put a hand on my shoulder, gripping it tightly. "Zidane, your mental state is—"

"I said I'm _fine_! How come no one understands that?!" I screamed at him. "How come everyone is so concerned? How come you're treating me like some nutcase who can't even think logically? I said I can handle this! I don't _need_ help figuring things out. I don't need special treatment...I'm...normal."

Baku sighed. "Just go to sleep. We'll talk about this later in the morning."

"It _is_ morning."

"When the sun comes up. Zidane, just rest. If you really think you can handle this, then...get ready."

I watched Baku leave, slowly walking back to his room. I frowned. I think I woke up the Nero brothers. They slept in one room near mine, almost right below my room. I never exactly understood why I was the only one who slept on top. Maybe it was how much Baku loved me as a son? Maybe that's it.

Zenero popped his head out of his room, looking up at me. I stared back at him, then turned back to sleep.

* * *

It was morning, I felt the sun beating down right on my eyes. Turning around, I felt someone in the room. I pretended to be asleep, feeling whoever was there take a step forward. Two steps. Three. Four. I feel a hand, I freeze, my breath coming to a stop. It wasn't Baku, was it?

I slowly open my eyes, releasing my tension. It was Blank. In the play, he posed as my closest friend.

"I know we rarely do this, but I'm gonna help you remember some lines, if ever you forget."

"Why are you helping me...?"

"Don't go all loner. You're a Tantalus brother, no mater what."

I smiled sleepily. "Thanks."

"Get your ass off the bed."

"It's not on the bed." I said, poking my tongue out. "my side is." I got up anyway, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. "Ugh, what time is it?"

"It's seven."

I nodded slightly. Getting up to go to the bathroom. I looked at Blank over my shoulder, smirking a bit. "Are you really gonna stay there and watch me? How gay and perverted, Blank."

"Shut up Zidane, I wouldn't kiss you even if my life depended on it."

"Whatever." I said, waving my hand and locking the door. I heard him take a few steps to the exit, shouting as if I was at the other side of the world.

"Hurry up, the Boss actually wanted us to be late so you can rest up and all that shit." He laughed a little, jumping down.

I stared at the mirror. Wow, I look horrible; my hair's a mess, my clothes are all wrinkled, I look pale. Ugh. I grabbed the brush and started getting all the tangles out, grimacing at the pain of it. I didn't want Baku to get angry again, making me rush. I tied my hair, straightened my clothes...

Heh, what would _he_ say?

I shake my head again, brushing my teeth and washing my face at the same time. Even I wonder how I did do both those things at the same time. I fixed my collar, dusted myself off and twisted the knob, about to go down.

"Zidane! Yer food is gettin' cold!"

"Coming!"

* * *

"I shall stop your reign, here and now!" Blank declared, bringing up his sword up to the sky. I clenched the inside of my cloak and pulled it to my other side, trying to conceal anything that might give me away. I watched Blank go on with his lines. The play was about two brave warriors who face the dark lord in an attempt to overthrow him. I had to be the mage, since warriors don't exactly cover their identity with robes and hoods. "Your life, I will end!"

Marcus, who posed as the dark lord, removed his mask. This was when I was supposed to come in. I gasped, pushing Blank away. "Nay, my friend. Thee shan't kill him!"

"Is this the friend who vowed to fulfill thy mission? What has gotten to thee?"

"I forbid this! I forbid the killing of my brother." I paused, suddenly remembering—I shook my head. "Nay, my brother shan't die by your hand!"

I turned to Marcus, forcing myself to remember our rehearsal. Walk up to him and bend down, walk up to him and bend down, I told myself. "Brother, why have you left me, with nothing more than faint trails? Why have you betrayed your country; our country?"

"Brother, I have been blinded by such envy. Envy of all those who have felt love of mothers and fathers. They have all had everything. Envy took over me, and—" Marcus pretended there was a gash on his side, grimacing in pain. "Kill me, brother. I do not deserve to walk this planet...!"

_I don't deserve to live..._

"No..." I muttered. Marcus and Blank looked at me, a bit confused. I shook my head, standing up. "Nay! Never shall I kill my own brother; my own flesh and blood. I shan't kill you. I too, have such a heavy heart filled with hate, but alas, my morality forbids such a crime..." That seemed to spark a lot, I needed to let go, but I shouldn't. I went with the next best option; pretend it's part of the play. "Killing my own brother? What cruelty. A man cannot kill one of his own flesh and blood...I would die from regret if I shall do so. I am not one to take lives, I cannot judge people. I can only give them second chances, to atone for what they did. Perhaps to change, too."

That was as far as I could say that would seem like it was part of the play. I took slight glance at the crowd. They were so interested in the play. The Burmecians were all silent, anxiously waiting for the next scene. Each citizen was watching intently, awaiting the next part of the play. It was like I cold feel their heart beating faster and faster, excited for the next moment.

Marcus stared at me, a bit confused. He just slightly nodded and proceeded with his line. "There is nothing left for me here but the cruel reminders of my envy. Brother, if thou shall not kill me, I shall end my own life!" He grabbed his own sword, and thrust it under his arms to make it look like he just stabbed himself. He curled up on the floor amidst the gasps.

He whispered "Forgive me, brother." He gasped for air. "I have caused..." my mind shifted—

_I've caused so much pain...so much lives were lost. Brother, leave here. I do not want to see you die here with me. Go, I have not saved your life for nothing..._

Kuja...you've done one good thing to me. I will always remember that. You don't deserve this in my book. You don't...

"No!" I screamed, kneeling down beside Marcus. "Brother!" And the curtains fell, concealing the stage. I heard a big round of applause from the crowd outside while I put down my hood, wondering how well I did. They all loved that play. I smiled a little to myself, I looked like I was nuts, smiling to myself like that. Marcus and Blank grinned at me, giving a thumbs up.

"Come on, Zidane. Put your hood back on, we gotta go and take a bow." Marcus said, pushing me along. I put back my hood, pulling it down further to make sure no one could see my eyes. When I stepped out, the first thing I saw was Freya, way at the back. I felt a pang in my heart. How long have I kept them all waiting?

"Thank you all for watching!" Baku said s loud as he could, bowing low. We did the same, but...

"Zidane!" Blank said, just above a whisper. I felt like I couldn't balance myself. I was slowly losing control of my body, everything going into a blur. Eventually, I couldn't see a thing and I hit the floor, almost face-flat on the stage, feeling the cold wood on my cheek. The last thing I heard was my own name, called by none other than what seemed like Freya.


	2. Freya's Curiosity

-Good news, I fixed this after uploading Chapter 5 (whoa, time compression? HAR). Before, there was a really minor line problem, it's fixed now. Apparently, you can't put in a really long pattern-line. Yeah, I only found that out now. -straight face-

**Disclaimer:** I do not own FFIX. If I did...Dagger would probably have **one** more summon.

* * *

I couldn't open my eyes, like it was glued shut. I was on a soft bed, filled with fluffy cushions and everything. Last thing I remember, I was on a cold, wooden floor. On a stage in Burmecia, where Burmecians crowded to watch a play, receiving a standing ovation. I heard someone call my name, someone familiar. She sounded like Freya. I wanted it to be, but I knew if it was, she wouldn't approve of my actions. Freya, I hope you'd hear me out. I don't want to go back; not yet.

"Zidane?" The one who I assumed was Freya put her hand on my shoulder, lightly shaking me. "Zidane, are you conscious?"

I groaned, trying to sit up. I put a hand to my head, feeling it was pounding. Opening my eyes, I see the following; Freya, Sir Fratley, a nice room, and Baku by the doorway, with Marcus and Blank behind him. I blinked a few times, a bit dizzy. Freya put both her hands on my shoulders, looking at me closely.

"Are you okay?"

"Ugh...yeah..." I groaned, managing to say that I was fine. Freya wasn't convinced; she made me lie back down. I saw Sir Fratley watching me, he seemed pretty concerned too. Baku and the others stayed by the door. Baku had that serious look on his face, like he was deciding on something. I hated it when he has that look, especially since he was looking at _me_.

"Just rest, Zidane." Freya said, having that slight look of authority. I just nodded my head and snuggled under the covers. Before I fell fast asleep, I saw Baku walk towards Freya, putting a hand on her shoulder and tell her something in a really soft tone.

Everything went black, and next thing I knew, I was in a deep slumber.

* * *

Freya couldn't stop looking at me, worried sick. I told her a million times I was fine. And that was only in the past hour. I could see she was curious, concerned and...sad. She seemed to always have that look, but it seemed different. It was like she doesn't know who I am anymore.

I finally cracked, curiosity breaking through.

"Where's Baku?" I asked, watching Freya move around.

"He...left." She said, pausing. "He thought it better you stayed here, Zidane. He told me I have to 'protect' you. Hide you if ever one of your friends swings by." She turned around, looking at me. "He said you seemed better off here, in Burmecia. Nothing was going to stress you out or anything."

"Oh." I nodded while feeling slightly betrayed he left me here. "What did he...tell you?"

"He told me everything I just told you...and that you had it rough, ever since you came back from the Iifa Tree..." I could feel her curiosity grow, bit by bit with each passing moment. Freya didn't seem like it, but when you just give her a hint of something you knew she would never guess, she would immediately be interested, but would try to hide it. Sometimes, she would be intrigued to force it out of you; try to come up with questions that would give her a good answer.

"Freya, admit it. You want to know."

She nodded silently, taking a seat on the bed. I gave her a slight nod signaling that I was about to start.

"How long have I been gone, Freya?"

"This is the eleventh month." She replied, looking down a little. "About to be a year for Garnet."

I paused. I was glad Baku asked her to not make me go back or anything. I found myself saying something unconsciously. "Freya, I don't want Dagger to see me like this—I don't think she can take it. As far as things go, I don't want anyone else to see me right now."

"Zidane, just tell me—what happened?"

"Well," I began. "It isn't a day I like to remember..."

* * *

The guilt felt like it was eating me alive. I stared down at Kuja; he was bleeding from a gash, the one I made from so much anger. He took so many lives, but...seeing him now, I wasn't sure if killing him was the right thing. Look at him; he's...helpless. He was bleeding to death, and more importantly, he was repenting. I couldn't just leave him to die, it was against my nature. But what was stopping me from helping him get up? Did I really just hate him for all the lives he took and that he couldn't replace them anymore? Or was it because he looked as though he was crying?

I think it was both.

"Brother...there's nothing for me here. I've said all I have to say. I just want to die in peace."

"Kuja..."

"I've caused so much pain...so much lives were lost. Brother, leave here. I do not want to see you die here with me. Go, I have not saved your life for nothing..." He said, laughing slightly to hide his tears. "I feel...like I've been rid of such a horrible feeling. In the end, I'm no better than a human."

I cursed at myself for taking such a long time to figure out what to do. I rummaged through my pockets, wishing we hadn't used all our healing items.

"Aha!" I pulled out a Hi Potion. What luck. I bent over Kuja and sprinkled some of the liquid onto his side, healing it just right. Enough to make the gash only a harmless cut. I practically shoved the bottle in his mouth, holding Kuja's head up a little, forcing him to drink it. He tried resisting but failed, drinking it all in the end. "Good." I said, smiling.

"Why...?"

"Because it's against my nature to abandon someone I know is still alive." I grinned at him, hoping he wouldn't try killing himself. He just lay limp in my arms, looking away. He was lighter than he should be, but, oh well, at least I don't have to exert too much effort in carrying him. I made him hang on to my back, so it's easier for both of us.

"Don't you have enough energy to walk?" I asked after a while, looking at his head resting on my shoulder. He was cooperative, hanging on to my back and all. I wanted to see what his expression was; being saved. But I couldn't, his hair covered his face. Damn. I wanted to rub it in that he was just like anyone else—he needed help at some points.

He didn't exactly reply immediately, he gave it just a few seconds before he spoke. "Not really..." he said, voice hoarse. "Not in this state..."

"Oh." I said simply, trying to hide the little bits of anger I still have against him. I was being nice to him considering he _is_ my brother. Besides, would he really go on another rampage? How much more honest can someone get when he's dying and repenting for the wrongs he's done? I knew he wouldn't lie; especially now. I believe him, but what does he intend to do? Just live like nothing happened?

"You hate Garland, don't you?"

"Of course I hate Garland." I replied, extremely sour. "He's such a..."

I felt Kuja smirk, weakly. "Garland was probably like me, blinded by unwavering feelings. Negative feelings." He raised his head a little, looking at the light peeking through the roots and tendrils of the Iifa Tree. "It's almost as if that light is guiding us. Like...it's accepting me."

"Yeah. It's pretty, isn't it?"

"The Iifa Tree is dead, right?" Kuja asked, sudden.

"Duh. Why else would the Iifa Tree be so lifeless? You know, _lifeless_."

"Like that army of Black Mages I created..." He muttered, putting his head back down. "Like the eyes I see in every other genome, all the bodies that pile up from my own power." His voice grew softer and softer. "What else do I have to give, aside from such pain?"

"Happiness."

"What?"

"You can give happiness. Kuja, if you're 'no better than a human', just like me, then you can give happiness, too. It's simple. For you, though, maybe it would be quite hard." I grinned, thinking of ways Kuja could make others feel happy. Oh, what a silly thought, Kuja making people laugh. But if he's gonna be living around here, he might as well try, right? I kept walking, my grip on Kuja tight, thinking of little simple things he could pull off to make others happy. So he could change.

"You can teach people." I smiled. "You're a better actor than anyone I know. Hm, what else...? Oh, you can teach magic, too. Maybe to little mages-in-training. You're just gonna have to wear a cloak, to cover your identity."

"Are you suggesting I live my life in secrecy?"

"Not really, I mean, when you feel that people can handle the fact you're helping them, then maybe you can stop covering your identity." I paused. "You're just gonna have to warm up to Dagger and the others first. Especially Dagger and Freya."

"Your queen and that Burmecian?"

"Yeah." I said, smiling at the thought of Dagger.

"Another thing is to stop being so insulting and be a bit more humble. You can't go around bringing joy when you're also gonna brag about your talents, if that's what you call them." I teased, receiving a hit on the back and a faint laugh. He seemed to accept the ideas.

"I'll try."

"That's better."

* * *

We were resting in a little cave near Conde Petie, he was sleeping, obviously weak from everything. I couldn't blame him though, Dagger was pretty angry with him, summoning Bahamut _and _Ark. Freya gave it all she got, whirling her lance and jumping everywhere, Eiko went all out, too. Casting Holy and summoning Madeen at _least_ five times. Amarant definitely packed a hard punch, Quina gave it his/her all, casting all of his/her strongest Blue Magic. There was of course Steiner, using Climhazzard against him, Vivi kept casting Doomsday and all of his strongest magic. I went into Trance, so you could figure how angry I was.

When we faced Necron, we were barely in shape. Wow, it's a miracle we came out of it alive.

I just watched him, deep in slumber. It was late, but I couldn't sleep. That, and I felt like I had to watch over Kuja, seeing how helpless he was just a few hours ago. He couldn't move, much less fight all those monsters. I had to face them all alone. Kuja sat at the sidelines, trying to cast magic. I told him not to, but he settled with the next best option; casting white magic. It was enough for me.

I stared out, the rain wouldn't stop falling, but it was getting weaker. It wasn't too cloudy, so I could still see the sky. It was pretty. I actually thought it would be harder to see Kuja as a brother, considering how he looked, especially when he was sleeping. He was like a little child who needed to be protected. I had to admit, he was really pretty, but...

I really couldn't see myself falling in love with him. As far as my imagination goes, I can only see us as brothers, nothing more, nothing less.

All my thoughts were in disarray. I couldn't arrange my thoughts, for a strange reason. It was like I couldn't comprehend the fact Kuja was repenting, he was sorry and was determined to be nice. It felt like a dream, but it was all happening. Kuja wanted to change himself while he still had the chance.

He was curled up, sleeping peacefully. I was sitting up, arranging my thoughts. Little by little, piece by piece. I recapped everything that happened, from childhood memories I still held dear to the day I found out who I was, my purpose, my family. The people I was supposed to call family. My creator, a heartless, cold blooded man who created the rest of my brothers and sisters for only one purpose. I was supposed to consider Garland my father. There was my little sister, Mikoto. She wasn't much of a fun person to talk to, but I suppose she would learn to live much like a human. Then, of course, Kuja.

I stared out the distance, waiting for the sandman to take pity and put me to sleep. It didn't take that long.

* * *

"Mina!" I shouted, waving frantically at the Prima Vista. They were flying considerably close to the ground, I only hoped that someone was at the deck, looking out at my direction. "Guys!" I called, trying again. I know it was sort of useless, but it's better to try, isn't it?

"Baku! Blank! Anyone?!"

"Zidane?" Kuja called sleepily. I turned back to see him rubbing the sleep from his eyes, yawning a little. He stood up straight and stretched his arms, looking at the Prima Vista along with me. "Is that your friends' airship?" The sleepiness was really evident in his voice, it really looked like he just woke up. He had the hair and everything. He wasn't the narcissist we all hated, he was just normal. The smudge of dirt he didn't bother rubbing off just sealed it.

"Yeah. It is." I said, watching it land, seeing someone's head pop out. It looked like Cinna. He looked back and called for the others. I couldn't hold my happiness; I just ran at them, screaming in joy like a moron who found his long lost puppy. I felt Kuja stay back and watch me run towards them with such joy. He must be ashamed to have me as a little brother.

"Guys! Oh my god, guys!" I was so happy, I could barely hold back tears of joy, as lame as it sounds. "I haven't seen you all in such a..." I trailed. Did I really need to tell them how I was feeling?

"Oh gawd...is tha'...?" Ruby gasped, pointing somewhere behind me and backing away. I laughed a little at her accent.

"No, he's fine..." I said, turning to Kuja. "He just needs a chance." He nodded hesitantly from afar. Could he really hear me, or was it because we were connected through our genes? I do have the same genetics as him, I'm just slightly modified, right?

He slowly walked closer, careful not to trip from sleepiness and little rocks. Kuja looked shy, for once, leaving them quite dumbfounded. I could read their faces: 'Since when was he shy?'. I had to admit, I was quite dumbfounded too.

"Hello..." Kuja said softly.

"Zi...Zidane...?" Baku managed to say. "What's he...why's he...why's he still alive?! I thought you killed him! I thought he..." He was lost, like he was unable to accept the fact he was still alive and kicking. He looked more scared than he was shocked.

"I saved him." I said, smiling. The short sentence made me feel happy. I don't know why myself, but it did. "Boss, I know he was pretty much the cause of a lot of destruction and all, but he's better now. He's...he's willing to change." I said, looking at Kuja over my shoulder. Baku seemed to sense the uncertainty in my voice and crossed his arms.

"I ain't belivin' this. This charades he's puttin' up."

"It's not a charades...!" I said, defending him. "Please just give him another chance...you don't have to forgive him." I said, about to go on my two knees, hands clasped together. "Please...I know you can't forgive him...but find it in your heart to let him come, please?"

"...that's about as many 'pleases' as I can take from ya." Baku sighed. Or rather, said sigh. He gave a sure nod with his arms crossed. My mouth hung open in happiness.

"Thanks, Boss...!"

"Just on one condition, Zidane." He uncrossed his arms and looked at me intently, eyes that looked like they were staring into my soul. It freaked me out a little, but I couldn't blame him. He continued. "The moment he acts suspicious, he is going to be thrown outta here, ya hear me? The moment I—_any_ of us, see him plotting, he's gonna be thrown out. Hopefully from a really high place."

"You can't really mean—"

"I mean it both as a figure of speech _and_ literally."

"Boss, you can't be—" I cut myself off. I knew what he was going to say. 'Have you forgotten just what he did? What he _caused_?'. I understood if they hated me for it, but I think it's worth it. Besides, if he does go crazy again, I'll make sure he's _my_ problem. Not theirs.

* * *

"Doesn't sound like anything unfortunate happened..." Freya said, the curiosity in her voice dying. "But where's that Kuja, anyway, or did he...?"

"I know what you mean. None of what I bet you're thinking happened." I said. Freya tilted her head, confused by my words. I halfheartedly smiled.

"...something else did."


	3. The Sadness in Your Eyes

-I hope this story won't confuse any of you awesome peoples! Thanks to all those who faved, subbed and reviewed!

**Disclaimer:**I do not own FFIX. If I did, Kuja would have made it out of the Iifa Tree...like some cliffhanger.

* * *

"Let's see, where are you gonna sleep...?" I said, looking from side to side while carrying a bunch of extra sheets and pillows. He had limited choices, I mean, who was going to let Kuja sleep with him? Blank wouldn't, nor would Marcus, Cinna, Baku, Ruby, the Nero Brothers, and pretty much everyone else here. He only has my room and the deck. I honestly didn't want him in my room, either. It was _my_ room, plus it was small. Neither could I just leave him out, can I? I mentally sighed.

"Maybe you should just stay here. With me" I smiled. Kuja blinked a few times and took half a step backwards.

"...I can only choose between your room and...?"

"The deck."

He nodded, sighing softly. "At least..." he muttered, looking outside the big window I had beside my bed. It was big. I mean it. Really, _really_ big. It took up most of the wall in my somewhat small room. It was an inch or two bigger than _I_ was, like, seriously. I never knew why it was so big.

"Why is your window so big?"

"You took the words right outta my mouth." I replied, staring out the window. "But the view is certainly pretty. Whenever I wake up, I'm always facing the window." I turned to him, smiling a little. "I never figured out why I always woke up like that. The view cheers me up. Now that there's no Mist, it—" Oops.

"...it?" Kuja asked. I smiled a little. I'm guessing he knew why I hesitate when I talk about the Mist and stuff like that.

"It looks better. The view, I mean." I walked to the window, standing near my bed. "The sky's so much clearer."

"I didn't know you liked looking up at the sky. I thought you were one who didn't even mind those things..." He walked up, standing next to me but not too close. "You said you were the type that all the women in Lindblum knew..."

"I have a whole other side you know nothing of. Not even Dagger's seen that side yet. I think." I admitted softly. "So far, my Tantalus brothers and sister seen me in my worst and in my best. Sometimes, when I show them that whole other side, they go under the theory I have an alter ego." I laughed.

"What's that whole other side I know nothing of?"

"The Dreamer..." I smiled softly, if you can call it that. "I just love moving around, going places, seeing people. I want to see everything, go around the world..." Being so carried away in your own thoughts give such a blissful feeling sometimes. You just can't stop your train of thoughts.

"Maybe that's why I love Tantalus so much, because I can go around the Mist Continent. But...when I grow up," I said, feeling extremely childish. "I'm gonna stop being with Tantalus and go everywhere, go to the Lost Continent, the Outer Continent, that other continent I forgot...I just..." I sighed.

"I just don't know how I'm gonna do that if I marry Dagger."

* * *

I set up the bed for Kuja while he fell asleep on mine. Was he really that tired, or was he really the type to run out of energy fast? He was curled up, back facing me. The moon hadn't come up yet, so it was early. I'd say somewhere late in the afternoon.

I wiped my forehead with the back of my hand. It was abnormally hot these days, maybe because it was summer. Around these times, I'd stay here and lie down in bed, wondering over a few things or reading a book, on occasions, memorize a part in a script of a play we hadn't performed yet. We performed 'I Want to be Your Canary' so many times, I memorized all the lines. Or at least most. I was just a supporting character when I performed it for Dagger. When I fell in love with her, I thanked the gods the lead was given to Marcus and I was given the job of kidnapping her. I told her that once, when we both happened to be looking up at the sky in Madain Sari, resting there before we went to Terra.

"_The view is so much better here than back in Alexandria..." Dagger smiled, staring up at the sky like I did when no one was around. "I'd love to have a view like this in Alexandria. Doctor Tot told me that the sky at night's true appearance, like the small stars, are obscured by the lights of Alexandria. Ever since he told me that, I always wanted to see the night sky's true appearance. It's truly beautiful, isn't it?" She paused, laughing slightly."Oh, what am I saying? I know that you don't really look at the sky as importantly as others do."_

"_Who said that?" I rested my arms on the...fence? "I look at the sky as importantly as others do. I see it every time I wake up, especially back in Tantalus, when we ride the Prima Vista. Whenever I wake up, I wake up to the sky. I have a big, big window you see, the sky's the first thing I see when I open my eyes. It always is. That's why I love it so much, that's why I have dreams of...of venturing around the world, like Ipsen. I want to do all sorts of things—the sky's the limit...! It makes...it makes me feel free. And that's how I always want it to be..." I said, smiling to myself._

"_Oh..."_

_I turned around to face her. She looked sad. I didn't understand, but realizing what I just said, I went closer to her and put a hand on her shoulder. She flinched a little and looked back up at me, eyes like they were about to cry. She always was pretty sensitive._

"_Dagger..."_

"_Don't bother, I'm not the one for you. You and I both know we love each other, but...you deserve to be free, like a bird. Like an eagle that can't be caught. I...I'm just a princess who needs to become queen one day; I must be confined within the walls of the castle, and maybe go around the Mist Continent in an airship...but that's as far as I can go. Zidane," She whispered, holding my hand, "you need to be free. You can't just be blocked by walls. Your limit is the sky, my limit is Alexandria."_

"_Dagger..." I was speechless. It only hit me like, after five seconds she said everything. What am I doing?! She's giving up on her love—our love. I shook my head and held both her hands. "No, Dagger. You can't tell yourself that. We'll find a way to be happy together, even if it means sacrificing what I want...that's only just one thing I want. I want you, Dagger. I love you. I wouldn't want it any other way!"_

"_Zidane..."_

"_When I look back, I'm happy I'm the one who was set to capture you. I wouldn't have met you like this if I was Marcus when we performed that play. I'm happy everything's like this. That we're together, under the moon in Madain Sari. I'm glad. If I'm trapped in a cage, I'm happy just as long as it means I'm trapped with you." I said, as happily as I could. I wanted her to smile again, even though she was always so serious. It was a reward to see her smile._

"_...really, Zidane?"_

"_Really." And I kissed her forehead. I thought it be a bit to early to go down to the lips. She gave a small pout._

"_You treat me like a child sometimes."_

"_Only because you look cute being treated as a child." I grinned, patting her head. She gave a furious look, but didn't keep it up for very long and laughed, looking back up at the sky._

"_Thank you."_

"Zidane?" I snapped from my thoughts, turning around to see Kuja rubbing his eyes. I sheepishly grinned and removed the tie keeping my hair in a high ponytail. I got up and walked over to Kuja, tying my hair the way it always is tied.

"Yes, Kuja?"

"What are you doing...?"

"I was fixing your bed." I said simply, looking back at the other bed nicely set up. "Or, it could be mine since you just slept there. You probably don't want to get off."

He shook his head a little. "Not really, I find it comfortable here." He pat the bed a little. "It's nice to sleep here, beside the window. I'd like it here, I can always wake up to the sky if I wish...I can stare at it all day." He grinned, giving a sidewards look at me. He knew I loved the sky, since I told him. I knew I had to be nice to him, but...god, I don't want to give him that bed.

"Nah, you can have it." He said, waving his hand, standing and plopping back down on the bed next to mine. He let his tail out for a while and looked down. He started getting lost in thought. I plopped down on my own bed and rested my elbows on my thighs, bending to look at his face.

"What's wrong _this_ time?" I asked, meaning it as a joke. He sighed softly.

"I don't know how to change."

"You're already changing!" I said, jumping up. "You aren't talking all formal, you aren't plotting, you aren't killing. You're just on the bed, next to me on an airship that's heading back to Lindblum. Or Alexandria. Whichever they plan on going."

He looked away, not accepting that fact.

"Not believing? Come on."

"Is there really something I can do to heal the damage?"

"You can't heal the damage, at this point. Or maybe you can, but it would be a major pain." I sat back down, going to my previous position. "Listen, there's really no point in healing the damage. About all you an do now is apologize and try to make up. Or change. You're already doing great on the latter option." I grinned, giving him a thumbs up.

"What happened to the Black Mages, Zidane?"

"There are some that just died, I guess. There are some that gained consciousness and built a village away from humans so they can't be abused, being used for war and—" I cut myself off. "Sorry."

"No, no. One has to accept his mistakes if he is to move on..."

"...hmm...well....that's pretty much it."

"What about the one traveling with you...?"

"...I don't want to think about it. He said he only had a year or so to live, right before we entered Memoria. We were on the Invincible that time, and Vivi admitted he was scared." I looked at the night sky. Wow, night already.

"Oh..."

"I'll ask the Boss if we can go to the village." I said, smiling.

* * *

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"_Please_?"

"...alright."

"Thank you Boss...!"

"When you do that face, I can't help it."

* * *

"Kuja. We're—" I looked at the empty room, clueless. Where did he go? I looked around, seeing my holster on my bed. Wait, why is it on my bed? I took a closer look, and my dagger was missing. Oh god, where's my dagger?

"K-Kuja?" I leaped back down, my head turning right and left. Not there, where was he?

I started walking, looking for Kuja. I have to say, the Prima Vista was pretty big. Maybe not as big as Queen Brahne's ship...the Red Rose, was it? It may not be as big as the Invincible, but it was pretty big. Big and spacious. I swear, I got lost once when I was young.

I found my feet walking on its own, turning left and right until I reached the deck. The night was not that windy, it was just chilly like all nights are. I let out a small shiver, and walked further out. I saw Kuja, staring at the pale moonlight. I didn't know what to think, I guess I was just dumbfounded, to see Kuja like this. With short hair. Wow.

I was just confused.

"Zidane?"

"Kuja...your hair..."

"Mm..." He turned around, letting the strands of hair fly into the sky. "I know. I cut it on purpose. I was getting tired of it, anyways." He smiled a little.

"...why...?"

"Why did Garnet?"

"She...wanted to change." I replied, looking down. I kept walking forward until I was next to him, to watch the sky like I always did. "She told me she shouldn't just look and act like a queen. She should take it as a life-long duty. You know what I mean?"

He nodded, holding the dagger with both of his hands. Kuja handed the dagger back with a sidewards smile. "Here."

"Mm." I blinked a few times, staring at the dagger. He reminded me of Garnet, the only problem was it was night. And we weren't in Alexandria. Kuja really did look like her, he had that determined face, and those eyes. They seemed different than before. I was lost. Oh hell was I lost.

"Zidane, I haven't been much of a good brother." He lightly touched the tip of his hair, looking at it. "I don't know if this makes me look more like a guy, but, Zidane. I failed as your older brother, so I ask that you give me a chance to try again, please?"

I gave a bright smile. "I don't know how many times I'm supposed to tell you I already am giving you a chance."

* * *

"Zidane?"

"Mm...yes, Ruby?" I asked sleepily, rubbing my eyes and trying to get up but failing, plopping back down on the bed.

"Yer brother, Kuja. He's demandin' you to wake up!" I heard a laugh.

"Tell Kuja I'm still sleep—wait, what?"

"Kuja, he's cookin' somethin' fer all of us. You better get down there!" She giggled, jumping down.

I sat upright. Is everything normal? I don't ever, _ever_ remember Kuja being able to cook. Then again, he _did_ have to eat. He never exactly had anyone serve him like that, even if he had a whole palace, right? I haven't seen any maids or butlers in there.

I got dressed, fixing my collar and washing my face. I looked at myself, like really stared at myself, and I began wondering, as I tried to read what I was feeling through my eyes. They were as blue and bright as ever, but as happy as I thought I felt...

They looked tired and sad.

* * *

I sat down quietly at the table, watching Marcus actually chow down on everything set on his plate. He hungrily ate all the eggs and sausages, he drank all the water and let a satisfied sigh. Ruby was somewhat glaring at Marcus while trying to eat as elegantly as possible, trying to resist going crazy from what looked like good food. Cinna was just calm and drank his coffee and ate his toast. Baku was happily chowing down like Marcus did, and Blank was definitely happy with the food. He elbowed me.

"You got some brother there, Zidane"

"He's something, alright." I said, smiling a little.

I watched Kuja cook from behind, he seemed to be humming something I couldn't hear well, while tossing pancakes to the air. The fire from the stove cackled and I heard the familiar hiss of the pancake's uncooked side hit the buttered pan. It gave off a scrumptious smell. Peripheral vision allowed me to see Baku sprinkle maple syrup all over his mountain of pancakes while Marcus stared hungrily at it. He began stacking his own set of pancakes and grabbed the maple syrup from Boss, like he forgot Boss was...well, Boss. Ruby just watched quietly while Cinna stood up to make his coffee again. The Nero brothers finally came into scene and widened heir eyes at Kuja.

"What the hell...?" Zenero scratched his head while Benero took a seat and stared at the food. He motioned Zenero to do the same. Next thing, we had twins on the table, staring hungrily and yet, hesitantly at the food. I forked a sausage and bit it, staring at them, about to laugh.

"Guys, relax. It's not poisoned or anything." I finished the sausage, grabbing a pancake and setting it on the table, waiting for Marcus to stop sprinkling syrup all over his mountain of pancakes. I never exactly understood why he could eat so much. Unlike me, I had such a small stomach, I couldn't even finish a plateful of noodles. I had a bit of a sweet tooth, though, so when it came to sugar coated candies that are bite-sized and chocolate coated strawberries, I would eat a lot.

I cut off a piece of egg white and placed it in my mouth, chewing it. Marcus was still sprinkling maple syrup, Baku was quite quiet in terms of words but noisy in chewing noises, greedily stuffing pancake after pancake saturated in sweet maple syrup. I knew I was going to be a victim of the pancakes.

This was like the only time I payed attention to every excruciating detail that made me feel queasy. You weren't supposed to _saturate_ the pancake in maple syrup. It's just...wrong. I shuddered watching Marcus stuff down everything while drizzling coffee in his mouth. I tried looking away and paying more attention to my food, but...the sounds they made...! Ugh. I feel kind of sick. I haven't seen them eat like this. Ever. I could even see the—

I'm not even gonna think about it.

I forced myself to stop staring at Baku and Marcus because I was eventually going to lose my appetite. I forked a pancake from the main plate and dropped it on mine, grabbed the syrup from Marcus' side of the table and sprinkled my pancake lightly. When I finished, I set it back for Marcus to use—again, and grabbed a knife to cut my pancake, and hopefully, without having to lose another bit of my appetite watching either of the two pancake-pigs stuff down more food.

I was eating in peace, nothing on my mind. Kuja set down a glass of water for me, and I looked up to thank him but he went back to cooking too fast. He began making more pancakes for the hogs, melting butter on the pan.

He had a sad smile, though. It bothered me for the rest of the day just because I was too much of a wimp to ask why.


	4. Another Dimension and Hidden Feelings

-I honestly don't know how the time flew by. LOL at epic KH reference...-cackles-

**Disclaimer:** I do not own FFIX, and if I did, well...goodbye to Zidane's womanizing traits. :P

* * *

"Zidane, I don't see how this is all—"

"Somehow..." I paused, looking down. I fumbled a little with my fingers and laughed softly. "Maybe it's because you'd understand why I feel so broken now when you hear everything. Maybe, you'd help me answer that question hanging in my head. It's been bothering me for so long."

"Oh..." Freya nodded silently, understanding. I smiled at her.

"Actually, before I continue, what happened to everyone, do you know?"

"Garnet...she's a queen now. She rules Alexandria with the best of her efforts. Her kingdom is quite prosperous, in fact, I've heard Lindblum and Alexandria are working on a project that they claim can 'change the future of Gaia'. Eiko...she has been adopted by the Regent of Lindblum and Lady Hilda. Amarant remains in the shadows, Steiner is definitely still in Alexandria with Beatrix, protecting Garnet. Quina, if I heard correctly, resides in Alexandria as the head cook. S/he's quite good, honestly." Freya didn't want to continue, by the seems of it, and turned her head down.

"Vivi...we don't know. He could be de—"

"He's alive." I said with a hint of happiness among the depression in my eyes. "I met him, he's not in Gaia, that's the problem. He's all the way in another dimension. He seems to like it there, at least he lives like a human, wherever he lives."

"Really? What happened?"

* * *

It's been a week, I guess. The time really flies.

"Kuja! We're here. The Black Mage Village." I said with a bright smile. It wasn't too early in the morning and too late in the afternoon. It was a bit before lunch. I wanted to see Kuja apologize to them all, it was a step closer to living a better life, wasn't it?

"Oh, Zidane...I'm kind of..."

"Nervous? Shy? No matter. Just apologize before they cast something on you." I smirked, poking my tongue out. "But don't worry about anything. I'm here, I'll be on your side. The genomes won't go against you, I'm pretty sure of that."

He gave a nod, standing up and dusting himself off. He still had that look on his face—the one I didn't like. Kuja wasn't the type who would always look so sad, was he proving me otherwise again? I didn't like it. I just didn't like that look, especially since Kuja had a face of a girl. It went against my nature to leave something like that.

I just watched him take his leave from our room. Never in my life had I been too shy to ask a simple, one syllable question. It only had three letters, what's making it so hard for me to ask 'why'?

Kuja's head popped in, staring at me. "Aren't you coming with me?"

I gave a wan smile. "Yeah."

* * *

"So, you're apologizing to us?" No. 288 asked. I could really imagine him arching a brow, if ever he had a face. "And you wish to make it up to us somehow?"

"I don't know how to do so, given the Mist is gone...I could have lengthened your life." He was thinking while talking, like he was mentally scrolling through his mind for anything he could do to make it up to them. "How many of you...?"

"We prefer to say...'stopped'."

"Okay...how many of you have...stopped?"

No. 288 fell silent, looking down. He looked back at the other Black Mages who hid behind the buildings. The numbers decreased from last time I was here. I could see the genomes as well, what worried me a bit was Mikoto wasn't anywhere there. I tried counting the number of Black Mages. The number barely exceeded ten.

"No..." I muttered. "It's like...it's like half of you already..."

"Even No. 36. He came to existence around the same time I did. And he stopped..."

"Oh no..." I muttered again. "Vivi..."

"Oh, Vivi is one of the lucky ones." No. 288 said, a bit of envy in his voice. I jerked my head up. "Yes, he's still alive. And he will be for more years to come, as I suspect it. His knowledge is even more advanced than ours. Yours. Maybe even Lindblum now."

I didn't know why they even knew of Lindblum, but I was in disbelief. I wanted to hug Vivi and tell him I'm happy he hasn't stopped. But what would he say about Kuja...? That's one thing I was afraid of. I didn't want Vivi to go all berserk on Kuja. I nodded.

"I want to see Vivi."

"He's in another dimension, I'm afraid." No. 288 said, earning a confused expression from me and Kuja. "he comes around though, that's why we know what is happening with him. He's one of the most powerful Black Mages we've seen. He ripped a hole to get through to that other dimension. We don't even know how, but he did. Now, he practices that power and visits us. Problem is he cannot stay here too long and he can only go through the portal he set here. Mikoto forced him to take her to that dimension, and she brings good things. She says the place is beautiful and—"

"Wait, where's Mikoto?"

"Mikoto is...sick."

"What...?" I grit my teeth. "I told you to take care of her..!"

"We did. But maybe the travel between dimensions took a toll on her. Zidane, note she doesn't belong in that dimension. It's laws are different. That alone is enough to take a toll on her body." He paused. "I know what you're thinking. And I will answer you. Vivi doesn't belong in this dimension because, for one, he _chose_ to be apart of that other dimension. Second, he does not want to die. Behold the will of such a young boy."

I stayed silent, listening to Kuja get distracted by the chocobo that barely grew. It looked like it was still a baby. I could even hear one Black Mage comment on his hair, saying it didn't match him that much, but he still looked fine.

"Zidane?" I heard a soft squeak from behind. I looked behind No. 288, and lo and behold. It was Vivi.

"Vivi...!"

"Zidane!" Vivi ran up to me, but tripped like he always did. He stood up, adjusted his hat and dusted himself. "Zidane, you're alive! I'm...I'm so happy! I wish I could stay here for a while longer. I wish Rai and Fuu could meet you!"

"What? Who's Rai and Fuu?"

"They're my new friends..." Vivi said shyly. "I'm in a group, but sometimes I stray away from them and walk around the forest. It's a bit scary though, it's near an abandoned mansion. They say there's a ghost girl in there, always staring out the window!"

I laughed. Vivi sounded so excited to tell me everything, and I think he was. Vivi continued telling me everything.

"Zidane! You should see my world...it's just a not-so-small town. It's always twilight there, so when I climb up the tower, I see the sunset. I like buying ice cream and sitting there, and sometimes, a boy who is about your age would swing by and talk to me. We would sometimes buy ice cream and sit on the tower, just because he feels like it. I don't understand him, though." Vivi tilted his head. "He just talks to me about random things, and I told him all about you guys. He says he wants to meet you someday, Zidane."

"What? Why? I'm not special!"

"Well, to me and everyone else, you are. You taught me a lot, and I will never forget that. I taught him all that you've taught me, too. And he thinks you're pretty special." Vivi told me, innocent eyes looking at me with happiness.

"Well...if you put it that way..."

"Oh, Zidane. Your sister! She's sick."

"Yeah...I heard. Don't worry Vivi. It isn't you fault." I bent down. "How long can you stay here, anyway? Just as long as Mikoto can stay in your town?"

"It doesn't matter, actually. The dimension doesn't bring consequences to 'foreign' travelers. In fact, the one who wants to meet you is from another world. This dimension I live in, it's hard to explain. But it's like it's a universe, rather than a world. Our—no, your dimension is more of a world. Mine is a universe of some sort, but that's according to my friend." Vivi paused to breathe a little. "I think Mikoto just got a sickness from that world."

"Oh, well. I'm assuming you can stay here for long periods of time?" I smiled, obviously hoping yes.

"I'm guessing so..."

"That's great!" I felt like jumping for joy. I will admit that Vivi has his own charm. He makes people want to hug him sometimes. I'm not saying I would, though. My mind suddenly shifted to his friend. I wasn't one who would leave something unanswered.

"Hey, you said your friend wanted to meet me...?"

"Yeah. He really wants to. Don't worry. He's not like Rai, Fuu or Seifer. He's really nice and funny, but he has a bit of a sad past." Vivi said, seeming to frown. Ah, Black Mages. You just never know what their facial expression is. Like, ever.

"What's his name?"

"His name? It's Sora." Vivi seemed to smile childishly and sheepishly. "He kills stuff called Heartless. But you don't have to worry about that too, they won't eat you like other birds do. Though, they can be ten times bigger than you, if Sora tells the truth. I think he does."

I seemed to grow soft and wimpy inside. "Uh...it's really safe?"

"Not really. But if we beat Necron and Kuja in Trance, I think we can handle Heartless." Vivi seemed to give another childish and sheepish smile.

"Zidane? Who is—" Kuja cut himself off. "Oh." Vivi looked up and gasped, raising his hands to cast fire magic.

"Zidane! It's Kuja!"

"About that..."

Vivi's flames weakened until it was but an amber on his palm, cackling softly until it died. He tilted his head and stepped away from Kuja. Vivi stood down, and I praised him for it. He hasn't really changed, but, he was sharper now. He knew that if Kuja was with me, he wouldn't have to burn him unless Kuja double crosses me. I highly doubt that.

* * *

"Mikoto, little sis..." I said, feeling her forehead. She was sweating and burning hot. She had a strange bottle of translucent, green liquid with leaves at the bottom. Kuja sat on Mikoto's bed, near her legs and I sat on the chair, wetting a towel and wringing it to put it on her burning forehead. "What happened...?"

"It's nothing you should...worry about." She said, smiling a little.

"Oh, you've learned to smile."

"Genomes are, apparently, fast learners. Our blank minds and observant eyes come to our advantage, proving to us to be useful. The presence of the light outside, the one you call a sun. That is daytime, when all are active. When it disappears and turns to the moon, it is called night, when all rest in beds. Yes, we are beginning to understand more of Gaia." She kept up a smile.

"Then you must know what it means to be happy, right?" Kuja asked, holding a bowl of soup. "You know what it's like, right?"

She shook her head. "I have not...fully comprehend that. As far as my observation goes, people smile when they are happy, or they want to show that they are still fine." She paused, as if she went over everything else she learned and tell me about it.

"Are there different kinds of smiles...?" She asked, looking at me and releasing a rough cough.

"Yeah. There are truly happy smiles. There are smiles of acceptance. There are psychopathic smiles. There are sad smiles. Comforting smiles...the list is endless. Point is, a smile has so many kinds because it means so much to one. If someone is crying, you can pat the back of that someone and smile at them. They will end up smiling because smiles are proven contagious." I grinned. "You're learning a lot, little sis, and you're learning fast. Keep it up."

Vivi came in with a bag of something. He seemed to give a sheepish grin. "Sorry I took so long Mikoto...I had trouble finding it. My friend back at home said you're just suffering from a 'flu'...whatever it is. He told me herbal medicines would help you best." He waddled to Mikoto's side and mixed the herbs with water. I question his method.

"Are you really supposed to do that?"

"Well, these leaves are bitter, so maybe it would lessen if we mixed it with water..." He said innocently. "It's easier on Mikoto's part...I'm sorry Mikoto had to get so sick. I don't know what happened to let her get this."

"Vivi...don't worry about it." She smiled. I assumed it was to reassure him, but it didn't really look like it. "It was very worth it. I got to see how humans act...they are really nice. Some are quite...naive. Some are wise. It's a strange world, Vivi. I wish to know more about it, but..."

"No, Mikoto. You might get sick again. Plus, I don't want to risk it. I honestly don't know if it really is safe, but it's going well for me. Mikoto, I'll take you there when I'm sure it's safe for you. You too, Zidane." He turned to me, bag still in his hand. "I'll let you meet Sora when I know it's okay for you to go there. But while I find out, can you please tell everyone else I'm fine, Zidane?"

"...Um...okay." I nodded, watching Vivi mix the medicine and help Mikoto drink it.

Vivi has always been one who gave it his best so he could learn. He's always given it his best and he's been training with his magic. Look at where it's gotten him. He's now living in another dimension that's more technologically advanced than Lindblum, according to No. 288. Mikoto, too. She's learning a lot and fast, she gives it her best shot to learn, I can tell, if she already knows that much. It's only been a week, and to learn how humans act in just that short time is a lot, in my opinion.

I wasn't one to always give it my all, but maybe I should start now.

* * *

"That was a bit of an awkward moment, wasn't it, Zidane?" Kuja said, the lightheartedness evident in his tone of voice. He folded his arms behind his head and stared up at the ceiling while I rested my head on my pillow. I was looking at the sky slowly fly by. The Prima Vista wasn't a ship of speed, after all.

I nodded a little. "Yeah. At least you got to apologize and warm up to them and I got to see Mikoto and Vivi." The sun set in the horizon, making the sky turn light orange. Vivi told me it was always twilight in that town. So it must always look like this in that town. "Hey Kuja? Speaking of smiles earlier...why do you look so sad nowadays? Do you miss going crazy and fighting us again?" I asked, sticking my tongue out at him.

"I don't know." He sighed, ignoring my tease. "I just feel sad..." he gave a sidewards look at me, like he expect me to know what he was talking about.

"Kuja, you expect me to know something I know very well I don't." I sighed heavily, turning my back to him to stare at the sunset. It was almost as if I was trying to show him I was peeved that he was expecting me to. It was more of a joke, really. I get kicks out of acting like so.

I snuggled my pillows and sheets and didn't face Kuja. He sighed behind my back and threw a pillow at me. "Hello? You just met one of your friends. Need I remind you, you have a handful of other friends who don't know you're alive; how long do you intend to keep them anxiously waiting?"

I didn't face him, continuing to snuggle into my pillows and sheets, go under the blanket. I could feel his gaze on me while I stared at the sunset, slowly disappearing in the horizon while stars popped out one by one. I heard him flop to his other side and sigh, mumbling something about me. I didn't know how long I was going to keep them waiting. I don't want to, really. But I feel like I shouldn't yet. I was one who never thought things deeply, but when I found out who I really was, I changed.

Then did it hit me—I wanted things to go back to the way it was, and help me believe I wasn't created for such a reason.

* * *

"Mornin', darlin'!" Ruby smiled at me, waving. I gave a tired smile, I was always like this when I'm woken up so suddenly. "Ya okay there? Ya look more tired than a horse back from a nerve-wreckin' rodeo! What's got ya so tired there?"

"I thought you knew I'm always like this when I'm—" I yawned wide. "woken up so suddenly..." I rubbed my eyes. "Besides, I slept late wondering over something."

"Wonderin'? Dear, what ya wonderin' 'bout?"

I fell silent. Ruby was confused but after a few moments, she understood, to my surprise. "Ah, I get ya. If yer wonderin' why I know, we asked 'bout ya when yer friends reached Lindblum. They told us everythin'. Ya had it tough, darlin'."

"I trust then you know my purpose was to kill all of you?"

She nodded. "But that's all in the past! Dear, ya can't live yer life like this, broodin' about something that ain't yer destiny. Yer created with a wrong purpose, but ya can change that, can't ya? I think ya can. And so does yer other friends."

"I just don't find it that simple, I guess. Besides, I know what you're saying. I can change that, I know, but it gets me down, and...I want to stay here because it reminds me of the old times, when I didn't know of what I was yet. That's why I don't want to go back to Alexandria. Or Lindblum...I know I have to, but I..."

"Tsk, tsk! Is this fella here really the Zidane we all knew an' loved? The one I loved in a sisterly way, such a bright ray of sunshine and fun. Yer just a big bag of confuzzle and depression. I don't know why ya bein' like this, darlin'!"

I laughed. "Confuzzle, huh?"

"Here," Ruby cleared her throat, ignoring what I just said. "I'll tell ya a little story. There was a pretty young girl, barely past seven, who met another young girl like herself. They were both shy at first, but it was like fate brought those two together. Their friendship grew stronger and they did everythin' together. They laughed, played and even cried together. It was all fun and games, but one day, there was a horrible accident. The little girl ain't know nothing, so she went her way to the place they usually met up, but the other never showed."

"That little girl ran back to her mommy and cried, sayin' her friend ain't love her no more, but her mommy just gave a sad smile and told her the truth. Her friend was dead from the horrible accident. She knew deep down, and good thing she knew, that she had to move on, like everyone else does. Darlin', you gotta move on, even if it ain't easy! It wasn't your destiny to kill, it was just what brought you here. You can change that, make your life the way _you_ want it." She smiled.

"Heh, thanks, Ruby. I'll try."

"That's better! That's the little fella I loved in a sisterly way!" She grinned, turning to leave. Before she could, I called after her.

"Hey, Ruby? Just wondering...but where did you get that story?"

She paused by the door, waiting for like, two seconds to go by and she turned around. Ruby walked up to me and gave her brightest smile, a little tear visible at the corner of her eye. "Sometimes, darlin', we lost precious friends when we need them most!"

And she left in a hurry.


	5. Unexpected Message

-I will tell you all now. This could take a long time, but it won't exceed 10 chapters. At least I hope it won't. I fixed the problem, too!

Itachi-Sasuke reference...-.-' BTW, I don't know how you say Yes in a mocking tone, I just wrote it. Yeah, I'm fail. Please inform me if you spot a typo! Thanks in advance!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own FFIX, if I did, I would have made it longer somehow and made Kuja wear pants...but the thong really fits, huh?

* * *

"Zidane," Kuja called me early in the morning. My eyes fluttered open, I was facing the window as always. I groaned, the sun wasn't even up but the sky lit up a relaxing hue of blue, that kept me from being so grumpy. "Zidane..." Kuja called, emphasizing the last syllable in my name. I sighed.

"Yes?" I said, almost in a mocking tone. I think that earned me a delightful frown from him.

"When are you planning to go back?"

I fell silent again, I wanted to ignore him, but his gaze felt intense, even if I wasn't facing him. I stared at the soft layers of early morning clouds. They were so thin, it seemed translucent. Kuja stood up and forced me to look up at him, forcing the shoulder I had up down, turning me around.

"You can't keep staying here."

"I know." I sighed softly, avoiding his gaze. I looked back at the sky and the few stars the sky still had started disappearing with the sun, the sky changing to a brighter color of blue mixed with some orange. Kuja forced me to look at him again I decided to lock my gaze on him.

"Then when?"

"I don't want to go back..." I said stubbornly, giving a bit of a pout.

"I thought you knew you can't just keep staying here."

"I know that, but the things people do don't have to be right."

"What's keeping you from going back...?"

"A lot of things." I said, sadly but simply. "There are a lot of things I want to forget. No, I'm lying. There's one big thing I want to forget and never remember." I pushed Kuja's hand away from my shoulder and sat upright, hugging my legs and resting my head on my knees. "I want to forget why I was created."

"That's still bothering you?"

"Yeah. I feel like at any time, Garland can control me and make me fulfill my mission. I feel like one day, I'm going to be forced to do it. I don't want to see others die, I don't want to see others suffer. I don't want to see Garnet suffer..."

"You're scared."

I looked at Kuja weirdly, taken a bit aback by his comment. Scared? Me? No, that's...

"You don't want to hurt others. It's almost like how I was scared of dying alone. You don't want to bring suffering. You're scared to." Kuja said, sitting down on the bedside. "You need to get over that, Zidane. You're not going to hurt people. That's way too silly."

"What other reason do I have to live?"

Kuja, surprisingly, just shrugged. "I don't know. You have to find that on your own, brother. I have nothing else to say except I overheard Ruby's story, and I know she's right. You need to move on and live your life the way you want it."

He stood up, smiling a bit. "I just hope I'm not another reason keeping you here." And he left.

* * *

I pondered over Kuja's words. I'm scared to hurt people again. I think that's right. I feel like I'm going through some identity crisis again, only it's not as big as I made it when I first learned of it. I practically screamed at everyone...but I don't know why. I don't know why I screamed or called everyone babysitting bastards. I don't know why I called Eiko and Vivi brats. I don't know why I couldn't control my mouth or thoughts. Maybe it's the same here. I can't control my thoughts so I end up doing things I have not much of a reason of doing.

...Or maybe I'm just over thinking.

Kuja was taking a shower, I think. And he took long. Two hours. Two freaking hours of water being used. I thought he wasn't the narcissistic bastard we all loved to hate with all our hearts. Well, maybe he isn't, but why does he have to take _so_ damn long to get himself clean? Cinna laughed at me, slowly falling asleep on the table. Today was one of those days where nothing important really happened in Tantalus. We would be idly lying around like dead mus, sleeping here and there or just simply walking around.

Cinna's coffee was keeping me awake, somehow. But my eyes were shut by that time.

"Here you go." Cinna set a cup down. Loudly. I got startled, snapping my eyes open and straightening my back. I looked at Cinna, questioning him with my eyes instead of words. He laughed again. "You looked like you really need it. Sleeping on the table isn't exactly something you do." He said, turning around to make another cup for himself. "Why so tired?"

"Kuja kept me up last night, one way or another." I sighed, taking the cup and sipping it. Cinna stayed silent, nodding while making his coffee. "When are we going back to Lindblum?"

"Tomorrow, I guess. But we're gonna have to come back here, I heard someone's paying us to do something. Steal a precious gem from some guy..." He replied, stirring his coffee and adding the syrup. You could really feel his concentration when he put it in. He always took coffee—and Bundt Cake eating—so seriously. Whenever he makes a cup, he's always so precise. He needs hazelnut syrup, only two drops. He needs perfectly ground coffee beans, he needs perfectly boiled water. Everything needs to be perfect and precise, I don't understand why. He always says because it's his passion, but I just have to wonder why.

"Hey Cinna? You always say that you have a passion for coffee...but why?"

"It's a long story Zidane." Cinna said simply, pouring the coffee in the cup. "It started with my pa. He was one who loved coffee more than I love it now. He always made a lot, drinking how many in just one day? My pa didn't keep his coffee to himself, though. He opened a little cafe with my ma, who knew how to bake. I always had a fascination with the mechanics, so I was somewhat in charge of that. As you can see, I grew up in the food business." He said, adding sugar and milk to the coffee in his own cup. Cinna went on with his story. "My pa taught me everything he knew about coffee; what makes it good. He told me it was the passion, the will to make it perfect. My ma always gave me cakes to eat, which explains my Bundt Cake addiction."

"Ah..."

"But one day." He said, setting the cup down and sitting opposite me. He caught my attention. "Someone broke into our house, which served as our little cafe too. He was aiming to steal all our belongings, but my pa stood up to him. He couldn't find another weapon other than this—" He brought up his hammer. "He used this to hit the guy multiple times. One problem was, the robber had a knife. And before we knew it, half the gil we earned was gone, and we were left with my pa's dead body." He sighed.

"But...if you're wondering why people have weird passions. It's probably because they're like me; they do it to remember someone close to them. Or they feel happy when they do it." He paused. "It's probably the same with you and the sky. You love the sky because it's what you kind of grew up with. You love it because it symbolizes freedom, right? Maybe it's also the same with other people and their weird passions. Is that enough of an answer?"

I stayed silent. It was like everyone here in Tantalus was hiding something. First Ruby, with her long lost childhood friend and now, Cinna, with his deceased father. I had my own sad story, but...I don't think the feeling then was as intense as they all felt.

"...yeah. Hey, Cinna? Are you and Ruby the only one with sad pasts here? I feel like you guys have been hiding so much from me, after hearing Ruby's and your stories."

"I honestly don't know, Zidane. I never even knew Ruby had a sad past. I thought I was the only one here."

"Well, that must explain Baku's 'rule'."

"The 'a Tantalus gets what he sets his eyes on' rule?"

"No, he told me once that a Tantalus shouldn't cry over spilled milk, and should always go on with life. I'm not sure if he told you guys about that 'rule' he had but he told me once, when I was a kid." I paused, staring at the cup. "But maybe he did tell you all that."

"Yeah. He kinda told us that when you weren't around."

"Right..." I drank the rest of my coffee, setting the cup down. I heard Kuja from here, getting out of the shower. I stared up at the ceiling while Cinna looked at me, confused. "Hey, I'm gonna go now. Kuja's finally out of that shower."

Cinna nodded. "Okay."

I stood up, turning to the door and ready to leave. Before I did, I faced Cinna again. "Hey, I'm not sure why I feel like I have to tell you, but I'm sure that your dad is somewhere up there, and he's proud of you, for being who you are." I said, grinning.

"Thanks." He grinned back as I left.

* * *

I toweled my hair dry while I sat on the bed. I felt so sleepy. It was a laze-around day, as us Tantalus called it. Kuja calls it one too. Everyone's accepting Kuja now, and that makes me happy. The only thing that's missing is that he hasn't acted and stolen anything. He hasn't set his eyes on anything, so Boss doesn't consider him much of a Tantalus brother. But he still likes him, one way or another. Maybe not like, but accept, like everyone else. That was good enough.

I stared into space, still drying my hair with the towel. My mind was drifting to many things. What else do I have to live for? Is anyone else hiding some kind of pain? Am I just over thinking? What's Dagger doing now? How's everyone else doing? Is Dagger really missing me? Does she really love a weapon like me? Do I really have a chance with her?

Too many questions—too little clues to the answers.

How did I fall in love with her again...? My, that's a question I can't answer properly. I don't know when I did, I thought I only saw her as a friend through and through...until she had to become queen. I don't...know. I don't know when I did, but when she had to become queen, I found myself drinking in a bar all alone saying how I couldn't start a day without her smile, laugh...voice. That voice that makes me feel like I fly high into the sky. My sky.

"Have you found your answer?"

I looked up and see Kuja, holding a glass filled to the brim with water. He didn't move an inch towards me or anything, he just stared. He looked like he had so much to tell me...or something that seemed like a lot. When I see someone with that look—that look that simply says 'you should know something, but by the looks of it, you aren't ready.', I feel a little scared. When you have to be ready for something, you just _know_ it's something big.

I stared at him and shook my head slightly. "I'm not sure if that matters anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe I just don't, you know? I don't have a reason to be here. How am I sure Dagger really does love me like she says she does? I mean, she's a queen, I'm a bandit. What do we have in common? Nothing. Nada. Zilch." I shifted my gaze to the window behind me. "She has a lot more people to choose from. A lot more people who are princes, who are rich, sophisticated, fancy...I can't even take the everyday food there. I can't act like a prince or a king. I don't know how to rule a kingdom, I'm just a lowly bandit who acts to steal."

"Zidane..." Kuja sighed in a 'why are you always like this?' way. Heh, I can really read him like a book now. "You know that's not true. I thought you knew that you can't just lie to yourself."

My mind seem to automatically play that memory I had in the Iifa Tree with Eiko, Dagger and Vivi. It seemed so fresh in my mind, like it was happening.

_'Vivi, you should never lie to yourself!'_ Eiko told Vivi at the Iifa Tree. I knew Vivi took it seriously. He never forgot that lesson and I know he never will. If Vivi—and Eiko—can pull that off, why can't I, right? But...then again, they never exactly fell in love...love is different...right?

"Well..." I said, finally snapping back to reality. "I know that, but...this is love, Kuja. I know that love can do so many things, but...this is hopeless love."

"I'm not even sure if this is Zidane I'm talking too." He sighed, giving my forehead a hard poke. "There are many things in life. Love is just one aspect of life. Love brings joy, true, but only as a chain reaction, technically speaking. 'Love' and 'joy' are two totally different things, as well as everything else people say love is. They say love is compassion, kindness, and a lot more, but it's not. Point is, Zidane. Love is only hopeless if you make it hopeless." He finished.

I looked at him. "You know, you could have just said the last line instead of chaining it with everything else."

"I don't have to tell you that love isn't everything anymore." He said simply, drinking his glass of water.

I stared at him. He still had that look. It wasn't on his face, but...no matter what you do, your feelings can't be hidden from your eyes. They weren't just saying 'there's something I should tell you when you're ready', but also 'what I will tell you is something saddening—it can change your life forever'. Those kinds of things kind of sent shivers up my spine. They always did because of course, who knew how my life was gonna change, right?

"Kuja, you know, if you have to tell me something...you can just tell me. I don't have to be ready for it. The curiosity is gonna keep eating me alive if I don't find out soon. Haha..." I said, forcing a soft laugh, rubbing the back of my head. I looked at him, drinking his water again with his eyes closed. "Kuja...?"

"Zidane..." he said, sadly. "I don't think you're ready yet."

"Then when?"

"When I think you are..."

"I am, Kuja..."

He shook his head, his smile so sad, it gave me goosebumps. I never seen him look like this. My skin crawled with anxiety, nervousness, anticipation, fear...a lot. There were a lot of things suspense and curiosity could do. He pat my head, making me wonder what was making him act like this. "You aren't. Believe me."

And once again, he left. I don't know why he keeps leaving, but he does. He never stays here, in the room with me. Neither do I follow him because I know he doesn't need to be followed around, like he's some celebrity and I'm some obsessed stalker holding a pen and paper looking for his autograph. No, I don't need to do all that.

But why am I getting this feeling that I have to?

* * *

Kuja was in charge of being the sister of Ruby and Blank in one of the plays based on Ipsen's adventures. You can say Kuja didn't exactly like the idea because he just stared at the dress, as if not knowing what to do. I approached him, tilting my head.

"Kuja? You seem..."

"I'm going to be performing on stage, Zidane. _On stage_. What if...?"

I sighed. I didn't really want to waste my breath, so I said simply; "Remember what you told me yesterday? It's only hopeless if you make it. So, I guess people are really gonna find out it's you if you keep thinking they might. I don't know, but I'm just trying to cheer you up a bit. Boss wants us to do this..."

"But..."

"Kuja, don't you get it?" I laughed, slapping Kuja's back lightly. "You're a part of Tantalus now!"

He gripped the hat he was supposed to wear with both his hands and looked at me, for the first time in this conversation. He gave a wan smile. Why was he so...like this now? I hate it. His wan smile curved back down to a frown. "I guess I better start memorizing, huh?"

"Well, yeah. But you're lucky Boss isn't stupid. In fact, he's pretty sharp." I admitted, looking behind me as if checking if anyone was eavesdropping. Heh, who would eavesdrop on a conversation like this, I wonder. "Boss made you a side character because he knew if put on stage too long, you would be found out somehow." I said, playing a little with my hair.

"Really now?"

"Why, you don't believe me?"

"I do." He said, wearing the hat and adjusting it. I remembered Vivi, adjusting his hat all the time when he was making decisions. Kuja took the dress as well, seeing if it fit him. He sighed. "Dresses aren't my cup of tea. I kind of hate dresses."

"Yet, you insist on wearing a thong."

"Shut up, Zidane." He said, a bit brotherly. He took the dress and quietly excused himself so he could probably, lock himself in a room to do his own business of memorizing and trying on the dress, much to his dismay. I watched him turn the corner, disappearing. I faintly heard hm curse the dress for being so feminine. And to think, he looked so feminine himself. He must hate himself for that, looking so much like a girl. He must hate Garland for making so.

_'You are technically my son, as well as I am your father. And as a father, I must tell you the choices you make change your life, bit by bit. Believing a lie is not going to take you anywhere.'_ Garland's voice seemed to ring in my head. I shivered. The only thing I can remember Garland considering a lie is believing I'm not a weapon. I know it's silly if I started to cause suffering to everyone, but...does that render it totally impossible?


	6. Broken Hearts

-I looked at my story, "Scar" and remembered how I came up with the plot. Now, I'm wondering why Portal is related to Dissidia.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Final Fantasy IX, if I did...uh...something would happen!

* * *

It was morning again. I had an easy time memorizing the first half of the play because Kuja helped me. He told me to use clues to help me remember better. Thing is, my memory may be almost photographic, but at some points, it doesn't work when I really need it to. Example, plays. I couldn't remember the simple line of courteous refusal. I just had to say "No thank you, my good man. I believe I do not need such a grand serving of food for this."

...I must be lame.

"Mornin'!" Ruby greeted me, smiling. She seemed to like me a lot more than she liked anyone else here. Maybe it's because I'm surprisingly not as materialistic as Marcus and the others are. I understand why Cinna loves his hammer so much, since he told me, but I don't think he wants anyone else to know. It leaves Ruby in constant wonder.

I got a glimpse of Blank, taking his cup of coffee in hand and reading his part. We did perform this play, but only once. We were rusty now, all of us had to go through our scripts again and again. Blank muttered and mumbled, almost burying his face in the script. He kept mumbling something, the same thing, I think. He didn't even bother looking up to notice anything. Kuja casually walked in like any other guy in Tantalus and just grabbed the stuff he needed to whip up another delicious breakfast while also, looking at his copy of the script we considered sacred around these times. Marcus just walked in, yawning, and pushed Blank's head, making him spill some of his coffee. Marcus just took his seat, casually lifting his feet and putting his hands behind his head like nothing happened.

Blank glared. "Dude. _So_ not cool."

"Whatever, Bro."

Blank gave another glare and quickly went back to memorizing again. I turned to Marcus who was a seat away. "Hey, you don't seem to be taking the play as seriously as everyone else seems to be..." I said, taking a sidewards look at Ruby, who seemed to make her script pop out of nowhere, now reading it like Blank was. "And you're the main. Again."

Marcus arched a brow, or at least I think he did. "You don't seem to be taking it seriously either."

"Well, I got half down already, so I might as well take a break. Besides. It's early in the morning. You know how I hate mornings to some point."

"_Everyone_ hates mornings."

"I tackle people to the ground unless they give me what I want when it's seven." I said, sipping my cup. "I'm pretty sure people don't normally do that when they're grumpy in the morning. I dare you to prove me wrong."

Baku came in, swinging the door open. "Morning weaklings!" He marched in, proud and as loud as ever. It kind of hurt my ears. He slapped Marcus' legs, sending them off the table or Marcus removed them on his own. "How many darn times do I have to tell ya I don't want feet on the table!"

Baku plopped down on his seat, looking around for...something. I didn't like locking my gaze on him. I just didn't. I have this strange, strange feeling of looking into people's eyes. Sometimes, maybe, it's because I don't want to see what's in there because I'm scared. I felt my hands shake, just remembering what Garland told me. How can he even, anyway?

He seemed to have heard my thoughts or sensed my fear, so Baku slapped my back, sending a sharp, sharp pain up my spine. I nearly yelped. He laughed. "You look down, boy. Something bothering you? You know our _other_ rule."

"Don't cry over spilled milk, I know, I know." I said, just as he was about to. "You don't need to remind me, Boss."

"I hope not."

I wanted to believe I didn't hear Garland. Oh how much I wanted to, but I know I'm just lying to myself if I force myself to believe. No one wants that, I suppose. And, I've heard someone tell me: 'The best way out is through'.

Maybe I just need to stay calm and take things easy. I'm probably over reacting this time.

* * *

It was nice to be back in Lindblum. I decided to take this chance and run away for a while. It was late at night, Kuja was sleeping on his bed, covered in sheets and blankets and pillows that he stole from my bed, snickering as he did. Amazing how much Kuja changed.

I was alone, outside of Lindblum. If I was going to face off with Garland again, I might as well check on everybody. I grinned to myself when I remembered Choco. We had fun times, honestly. He would scream kweh and force me to look for treasures with him, even if we were about to go and fight Kuja.

I rummaged through my pockets and nap sack I slung over my back, looking for a Gysahl Greens. I wondered why it was called that, considering it wasn't really green. I almost thought I had to go back to look for those things. It was hard enough getting out without anyone noticing, what more breaking in and looking for a Gysahl Greens?

"Ata..." I said, kneeling down on the chocobo tracks that weren't far off and put the Gysahl Greens I found in my nap sack on the tracks. It didn't take very long, but after a few seconds, Choco came running at me, chirping—or something—quite loudly.

"Shh..." I said, finger to lips. "Keep quiet. I'm sneaking away." Choco understood, to my relief. I climbed up and got myself comfortable. I pat his head and hugged his neck, making sure I wouldn't fall off. "Hey, Choco. Could you maybe run at full speed to Alexandria? I need to check up on her..." I whispered softly to Choco, smiling.

He softly 'kwehed' and began to run fast. Really fast. At this rate, we would be there before the night ended.

* * *

"Choco, stay here." I said softly. We were right outside Alexandria. I'm thankful I gave in to Choco and let him learn how to do all sorts of things. He was extremely used to climbing, something I needed to get to Alexandria. I trusted him to stay by the tree. I would've tied him, but last time, someone tried to catch Choco and eat him. Since then, I didn't want to tie him, just in case he had to run for his life. In the middle of the night, it was really possible to get killed.

"Run if you have to, okay?" I said, slowly backing away to sneak into Alexandria. I didn't want anyone to see me, first off. I just want Dagger to. I didn't want to drag anyone into this anymore. They've been through a lot, haven't they? Besides, Dagger has a kingdom to rule, Freya has a place to rebuild, Vivi has a life to live, Eiko's with the regent, Quina...s/he's probably done with traveling. Steiner and Beatrix are guarding Dagger, Amarant's nowhere to be found...basically, everyone's living their life. I don't want to step in again and ask them to back me up.

All I needed was to get in, wasn't it? I pulled the cloak's hood down, covering my face. I walked in, as calmly as I could. Last I checked, soldiers didn't guard at night. I could be wrong, but I might as well take the chance, right?

"State your business." The one guard on my right side said as stern and strict as ever, proving me wrong.

"I wish to..." I paused, slightly thinking. I faked a cough. "I wish to...check your security...?"

"...are you mad? It's late at night. Everyone's asleep. I'm afraid we must escort you out. It's but three steps away." The guard on my left said. "Please take your leave now or else we will arrest you. The queen demands high security and states that all suspicious characters shall be put to the dungeon. That's as far as you can know."

I decided to take things easy and not knock them out. Getting arrested for breaking in even though it's to see the love of my life is another story. I lifted my hood. "Do I look familiar to you, or did your queen not tell you to give a special treatment in case I came back?"

They froze. "S-sir, we apologize for—"

"No, it's okay. I just need to see Dagger."

They looked confused, but I guess they sort of knew I meant their queen. They both nodded and let me in. I turned to them again and grinned. "Please don't inform anyone else of my presence." I said, as formal as I could. The two guards nodded again.

After a moment of stealthily walking, I managed to sneak in the castle. I don't know how, but luck is really on my side. Dressed as a guard, I had to take off the cloak. I sneaked in past Steiner, who was clearly falling asleep. I really do wonder if they have shifts here. I climbed up the stairs, as quietly as I could, which was hard considering the armor clanked like Steiner's only less...loud. If I remember well, this was where Queen Brahne used to sleep. I'm betting Dagger's there now, all cozy in her bed. I sighed.

_'Love is only hopeless if you make it.'_

I took a deep breath, slowly walking up to her door. I heard her voice, making me stop in my tracks. My ear was next to the door, trying to listen to what she was saying. I couldn't hear much, but I heard some words and phrases. I guess that was good enough.

"I hate...suitors...I don't want...bride." She said, softly. I smiled. "But...I really like...so kind, handsome...would...pick him."

My whole body froze. It took a lot to step back. I nearly fell down the stairs, but what worried me more was that I made a lot of noise trying to keep myself balanced and failed. I looked back up, seeing the doors slowly open. I grit my teeth and threw the helmet to the floor, and the rest of the armor I could remove in a moment's notice, hoping it would make me a lot faster.

I heard her voice. "Zidane?" But I ignored her, running away. I felt she tried to chase me but I was too fast.

"Zidane...!" She cried, in a tone just below a shout. She was faster than before, letting her catch up to me. Or at least, close enough to grip my arm and stop me in my tracks. "Zidane...where were you all this time?! We were so worried...I couldn't sleep, I...I couldn't...I'm just happy..." She manged to say. She started to cry tears of joy. I gripped her arm like she gripped mine, making her let go. She smiled. I only frowned.

"You're better off..." I let go of her arm, looking at her as intently as I imagined I could. "without me."

I took off and ran.

* * *

I threw the last piece of armor I had on and kept running from the castle, starting to get misty eyes. I didn't like this at all; Garnet picking someone over me. She probably sees more in him than me, considering I'm just a lowly thief. She doesn't need to care about me. She doesn't even need to pretend she does...

I ran to Choco, who tilted his head. Choco bent down and rubbed my apparently, wet cheek with his beak. I merely closed my eyes and pet his head. He 'kwehed' and plopped down, biting my pants as if telling me to rest with him. I gave a weak smile and sat beside him.

"Okay then. You wanna rest? Then let's rest a while. But we're gonna have to go at full speed again after this." I said, stroking the back of his head down to his neck repeatedly. He gave a chocobo sigh and put his head down on the ground, resting. I lied down on his feathery side, falling asleep. He tried to curl up while draping his wing over me like a blanket, covering half of my body from anyone who happened to pass by.

My eyes were half open, but were slowly closing. After that, I fell fast asleep.

* * *

When I woke up, I nearly screamed, because for one, I saw Baku looming over me, a disapproving look on his face, arms crossed. I saw Kuja at the side, sighing in disappointment. I didn't look at them for too long and looked away. "Gonna beat me up again, Boss?"

"Hell yes I am."

"Kuja? Can we talk later?"

Kuja nodded. "Of course." He said, in a worried tone. I gave an almost too fake smile. A smile I hope said I was still fine, and I'm still sane. Kuja looked at me, worried still and left. Leaving me and Boss alone in the same room he beat me up in when I said I was going to look for Dagger after we crashed. Baku shook his head.

"Boy, tell me first why you ran away."

"I..." Trailing off, I looked to the side, seeing Choco still there. He 'kwehed' and tilted his head. "....I went to Alexandria last night. To see Dagger." I paused, seeing if I could mentally tell Choco to go back to his home. I looked back at Boss. "Just beat me up, I don't really care anymore."

He gave a sudden worried look, but that didn't really stop him from beating me up.

* * *

I was lying down in the room, staring up at the sky. I felt a presence; definitely Kuja. I turned around, eyes weary from staying up late at night to visit Dagger, only to find out she prefers a suitor who loves fancy tea just as much as she would. Only to have a race with her, to see if I could get away or she would catch up. He sat down beside me and sighed, holding his script. I'm guessing he was reviewing, his part wasn't that much, after all.

"What's wrong?"

"I visited Dagger last night..."

"Why?"

"I heard Garland's voice echo in my mind, he said believing a lie isn't gonna get me anywhere." I looked down. "Kuja, the only thing that I know Garland can consider a lie is the fact that I believe I'm not a weapon. Maybe what you said was right; that it would be silly. But does that really make it impossible?"

He fell silent. "I think it's just you, Zidane."

"I wish it was..."

"It probably is. After all..." Kuja said, looking away, forcing himself to remember what he did. "I destroyed Terra."

"He spoke to me again in Memoria. In fact, he guided us a little; me and everyone else." I paused, hugging my legs and resting my head on my knees. "He's somewhat alive, I guess, if he could speak to me through my mind. Maybe I am just scared, but..."

"Well, don't think about it. Only worry when it happens again."

I nodded, smiling weakly. "Hey, brother. About Dagger...I'm pretty sure you're curious about what happened last night, too?"

"Yeah. And that chocobo you have brought you here because it saw how tired you were, probably."

"Hmm, well, Dagger's had a few suitors while I wasn't there to burst at every one of them. Last night, when I sneaked in, I managed to hear what was on Dagger's mind, late at night. You can say she has a particular liking to a suitor...and...she said she "would choose him"...." I paused, laughing softly as if it would keep my sanity. "She's really better off without me..."

"Well, Zidane, I hate to break it to you, but if she isn't going to wait long...maybe she's not the one..."

"I know that...let's just..." I uncurled, pulling at my drawer for the script, grabbing it as quickly as I could with a too fake smile that tried to say I was fine. "Let's just practice, okay? We...we need to get everything perfect for tomorrow or boss will kill us."

"Zidane..." He said, sighing. He grabbed his script anyway, but still gave me that worried look. I smiled, insisting that I was okay.

I was okay...

* * *

Apparently, Garnet might have thought it best to leave me for a while. I was alright with that. That's her choice, not mine. If she chooses some fancy prince over me, then...maybe I should accept that fact and move on. Thing is, I felt like I couldn't. I really felt like we were...meant to be.

"Zidane, you look bushed..."

I gave a heavy sigh, looking at the sky again. "Yeah. I am."

Blank walked over, stopping beside me and resting his arms on the railing keeping us from falling off; the same way I was positioned. He stared up the same way and didn't say another word. I guess he was tired. Probably bushed like myself since him and Marcus were Ipsen and Collin, respectively.

"Dagger's picking someone over me..."

"Well, I guess that's as far as us thieves can go. We can only fall in love with princesses only to have our hearts broken. It's sometimes easier if we didn't even have hearts to begin with." He sighed. "Sometimes, feelings are a burden, huh?"

"I guess so." I said softly, resting my head.

"I had a girl once. Her name was Mira. She had it all, beauty, determination...guts, especially. When I first flirted with her, she whacked me across the face with her purse. And her purse had metal in it. God knows what she was carrying that time." He visibly winced. "Either way, we managed to get along because I had to save her; a damsel in distress. One day, when we were walking in Lindblum, she told me her father was sick. By that time, I already thought she was the one; the one that would stay with me forever."

"The moment I heard her father was sick, I was determined enough to actually look through all the books in Lindblum and learn to make medicine for her father. It took a lot of time, and she began to grow impatient and at the same time, scared. She was scared that she might lose her father and impatient because...well, yeah. You know why. When I finished the medicine, I immediately ran to Mira, but when I got there, she was already crying beside her father. When I called her name, she looked at me with the hardest glare I've seen her do." He paused, catching his breath. "Thing is, her father was a logger, and he had a really big ax. Mira was so angry at me for taking too long, she went berserk, she nearly killed me with that ax. She never forgave me."

"Since then, she changed. She changed even her name. It wasn't Mira anymore." He gave a sidewards look at me. "Her name would be familiar to you, I guess."

"Why, what's her name?"

"Lani."

My eyes widened. She was _that_ girl. That girl that nearly killed us all. The one in Fossil Roo; the one with Amarant. Last time we visited Madain Sari, she was there. She gave a welcoming smile when Amarant and coincidentally, Dagger, wanted to stay in the airship for a while. Lani told us how when the moogles helped her, she realized how selfish she was. Whatever happened in her head that time, she must have changed because she couldn't trust anyone anymore, and became selfish. That makes sense. I looked at Blank who still looked at the sky and decided to do him some, what I thought, justice.

"Hey Blank? I don't know if this is good news, but she changed. She's less...murderous, I guess." I gave a weak smile. "She's in Madain Sari, Eiko's village. I'm sure you know Eiko, right? The little girl that was with me?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I know Eiko. It's nice to know Mira's back, too."

"I think she prefers to be called Lani, as of now..."

He smirked. "Lani, then."

So, I guess that's Ruby, Cinna and Blank down. Next thing I know, Marcus and the Nero Brothers are going to sit beside me and tell of a tragic story like they have.


	7. Possibly The Start of An End

-Ruby's story shows of moving on in life, Cinna's story shows of the few reasons for people's passions and such (possibly reason for living), Blank's story shows of how much our actions affect one another and how the lack of trust can change people.

Fanfiction is being a douche again...I just give up with the patterns...oh, and by the way, this will most likely be the last chapter that would be posted alone. Why? Because I'm already working on the last chapter, when that's over and done with, it's coming out with the rest of the chapters that haven't been published yet!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Final Fantasy IX, if I did, then....I'd give Tantalus some attention.

* * *

"Oh Zidane..." Freya sighed. "I never knew Garnet would....oh, how tragic." she seemed to empathize, remembering her own problem with Fratley. She pat my shoulder. "You seem to have gone through too much, if there's a lot more that happened after learning you lost your love." I frowned.

I turned away. "Lots of people tell me that..."

"Zidane, I'm here to listen to everything. If you need, you can go on." She said, her tone insisting she would be fine if she never knew. Of course, I knew Freya longer than I knew anyone who was with me until the very end of our adventure as a team. She would be dying to know.

"Well, I hope you don't get tired of me talking." I said, lying down on the bed, staring at the ceiling with my hands above my stomach. "Maybe I should make a time skip."

"Come on, Zidane. You can remember...!" Kuja cheered softly, obviously teasing me like I was a little dog. "Just one line!"

"I get it Kuja." I laughed. It's hard to believe it's been so long already. Almost ten months since I came back with Kuja from the Iifa Tree. He really managed to get on the good side of everyone, one way or another. He became a Tantalus brother, a true brother to Mikoto, and even the Black Mages.; especially Vivi. It's amazing how he's living life. To think he used to live in a grand palace under quicksand. I grinned at Kuja.

"My good man, you are indeed a true friend to me. I thank the gods for having such a noble partner to aid me in my time of need."

Kuja gave a chuckle, something I've been hearing for a while now. The hair he cut from before with my dagger grew back, or at least, some. His hair reached his upper back, and it wasn't as shiny as it was before. He's proven to be something almost opposite narcissistic. At some points though, Kuja would insult people like he always does; but only to people he doesn't like.

"Hey, I'm going to go get myself some water, you want?" Kuja asked, smiling.

"Nah, I'll pass."

He nodded, standing up and walking to the kitchen he seemed to love so much. Marcus came in just as Kuja went out, looking serious. It sent slight shivers down my spine. Marcus only looks serious when he's going to talk about something bad.

"What are you doing here?"

He shoved a newspaper in my face, scowling. I grabbed the newspaper, reading the headline and nearly choked on air. I fell silent, staring at the headline in disbelief, looking back at Marcus, at the newspaper, and back at Marcus. I felt my mouth hang open. I shook my little empty head. "...this...this can't be..."

"Yes."

"But..."

I stared at the headline, still in shock and disbelief. '_Queen Garnet of Alexandria, refuses to continue ruling kingdom until lost lover returns. Lover assumed to be dead._' Nothing went through my head.

"Marcus...I..."

"You're causing a lot of trouble, Zidane."

"I know, I just...I..."

"So, she was just another pawn in your little womanizing game? Have some shame, man."

"She's not! I just...last time, I heard her say she was going to pick one of her suitors...so, I just left her. It looked like she was gonna be forever happy with that lucky bastard of a man. Marcus, I'm just a thief, she's a _queen_. I don't care what Kuja says, I know this is hopeless. I can't possibly rule a kingdom with her, even if I tried. I don't know what I am to her and all of Alexandria..."

"Zidane..."

"How am I even sure it's _me_?"

He fell silent, shaking his head. "Zidane. I'm fully aware of the little 'parables' you're getting here. I know Ruby told you about her long lost friend who died in that aircab incident. I know Cinna told you about his dad, who was murdered. I know Blank told you about Lani. I just hope you're ears a ready for another one."

"Marcus, you too?"

"Zidane, Tantalus is practically _made_ of people with sad pasts you could learn a thing or two from. Lindblum isn't exactly the safest place in the world, especially way back." Marcus took a seat on one of the random chairs I had in my room. "Tantalus was made by Boss because he thought it was one way to bring a little joy to people with sad pasts. I just don't know why we have to steal as well, but it makes us happy. Tantalus used to be just for acting...as time flew by, it became an act-and-steal thing."

"Well...why?"

"I guess it's because Baku wasn't exactly the richest guy around, especially since he found you."

That took me by surprise. I tilted my head a little in wonder. "Me?"

"Maybe you were the reason Tantalus changed. But you shouldn't be sad about it..."

"But—"

"What are you trying to do? Distract me? I have a little story to tell you." Marcus halfheartedly laughed a syllable. "From this, I'm pretty sure you're gonna learn something useful in life. Which is funny, because you knew this a long time ago."

"What do you mean?" I asked, tilting my head in wonder.

"You see, before, my uncle used to work as a merchant. He wasn't exactly successful and always slept in rags and all. He never felt a bed for longer than two nights straight. He was one of the most pitiful people I've seen. Sometimes, I was ashamed of him. With time, he started to change, he became bitter to everyone. And it only backfired, causing him to be more bitter to the world. I began to hate him for that." He sighed, in annoyance, maybe.

"One day though, when I was forced to be with him under my dad's orders, we both heard a scream. Being the little kid below ten, I was scared and hid behind the cart. He scowled and slapped my back, making me stand. He handed me a sword and told me to come with him. Zidane, let me tell you that he wasn't exactly the healthiest man around. He was already suffering from old age that time. He couldn't even walk straight, but whenever I help him, he just spits and shouts at me for not trusting his own legs that were clearly outdated."

"Wow. What a great guy." I said, extremely sarcastic. "Can't believe he ended up like that."

"Tch, anyways." Marcus said, shaking his head a little. "I had to follow him because I loved my dad, and my dad told me to follow everything he says, plus, if I didn't, it meant punishments from him. And his punishments were harsh, _really_ harsh. While I followed him, we saw a little girl, her mother and a thug, cracking his knuckles and demanding for some money. Like I said, Lindblum wasn't the safest place around, especially at night. My uncle, to my surprise just ran at the thug. You can imagine how shocked I was."

"My uncle ran at him and pretty much jumped at him, hitting his back. It was weird, but the little girl and woman managed to thank him and run away. The thug, pissed off, threw my uncle against the wall, but didn't stop him. My uncle just ran at him again, telling me with his voice barely heard to stab the guy with the sword. But that meant killing him, didn't it? And I was a little kid, what could I do? I couldn't, especially since I was just below ten. I hated the guy, so it wasn't hard to just leave him there; I was afraid to stab a guy and kill him too. How could I? And how could my uncle even force me, right?"

"When I ran away, I didn't want to go back to check on my uncle. I still felt guilty, but I forced myself to think that he deserved it and that he was the worst person I've met. I knew I was lying, though. I knew I was because he wasn't; that thug was, picking on women for money. So I just stuck with the next best option, and that was to hope my uncle was alright."

I nodded my head, telling him to go further. Something told me that, well, something really bad happened, since Marcus suddenly stared at the floor or his lap and didn't say anything for a moment or two. I was literally at the edge of my seat, or more accurately, bed, and urged Marcus to go on. "And then?" I asked softly.

"The next day, the police found my uncle dead, and my father didn't believe me when I said that my uncle forced me to kill the thug. The thug ran away, never to be found until recently and my dad never looked at me the same way. He believed that I hated my uncle so much, I lost my sense of justice and left him there to die by the guy's hands. The feeling was horrible because, well, I was the cause of my uncle's death. And he didn't deserve to die because he saved that little girl and her mother, who is now suffering from amnesia because the thug managed to get to her."

"Since that day, my dad never treated me the same way again, since he loved all his brothers. My mother was the same, only she looked a bit sad when she was reminded of that incident. What else happened since then was that I learned that even faced with difficult choices, we can't be selfish and we can't lose our sense of justice, even if it means to sacrifice something. The way I see it, it's the same here."

I nodded my head slowly. I couldn't get what Marcus meant, but when I replayed what he said. That we have to make choices and make sacrifices. I didn't even have anything to lose, so what was I still doing here? I stood up, making a decision. "Alright. I'll go o Alexandria." Marcus smriked.

I was just about to take my cloak when both of us heard a crash of some sort. Or at the very least, a couple of glasses breaking. After that, we heard Ruby scream for a moment. We looked at each other and ran out of the room to see what happened.

"It sounded like it was from the kitchen!" I said, looking at Marcus.

"Kuja?"

My heart nearly skipped a beat. Something in me..."Yeah."

We both ran to the kitchen, seeing Ruby kneeling down beside Kuja's passed out form.

* * *

I was in front of the stove, stirring the soup that boiled just right in front of me. I tasted the soup with the ladle; it was almost right, somewhere near the way Kuja did it. It was a bit off. What did Kuja add? It wasn't salt; it was something else. What did he call it again? _Okashii no yasai_? Not even that helps me. He didn't know what it was, so he just called it 'funny vegetable'. Always. Even after he found out what it was. I forgot what it was really called, but laziness took the better of me and I figured it was okay by itself.

I poured some soup into a white bowl for Kuja to drink from. He called this soup a 'feel better' soup. The childish part of me told me to make some for _aniki;_ maybe he'll feel better. The soup was warm like it should be. I smiled faintly, putting the cover of the pot back on and turning the stove off. Grabbing a spoon and putting it nicely in the bowl, I walked out of the kitchen, going to my room, where Kuja was. We put up another extra bed for him. It was nice and comfortable, I'm sure Kuja wouldn't mind spending the rest of his life there.

Too bad the 'rest of his life' is probably...how much longer? I sighed.

"Kuja?" I said, raising my tone on the last syllable. I knocked two times like I always do, like a bleak attempt to be unique. Everyone does either three knocks or one; so why not only two? I laugh at my logic. "Kuja?" I called again, bending forward to put my ear against the door. I heard his voice.

"Yes...?"

I smiled, even though he wouldn't see me. "It's good you're awake. I got you some soup. The one you said was a feel-better." I laughed a little, opening the door slowly, popping my head in. "Sorry, but there's no _okashii no yasai_." I halfheartedly grinned.

"That's okay." He said "But the vegetable is what makes it good."

"Sorry..." I sheepishly rubbed the back of my head, the bowl set beside Kuja. "I really couldn't find any..."

He took the soup in his hands, both shaking a bit. He put the spoon aside and just drank from the bowl, almost delicately. I just watched him from my bed, which wasn't too far from his. When he was done, he licked his lips and looked at me.

"...what?"

"...what indeed." I grinned at him.

"By the way, your queen..." He looked down at his empty bowl like it was the only thing in the world he could look at, frowning. "Your queen is waiting for you, Zidane. Maybe you should go to her. It's rude to keep a damsel in distress waiting."

I smirked. "She's not a damsel in distress."

"She seems to be." Kuja looked at me again. "Maybe you should give her a note of some sort. Let her know you'll be okay. You're okay and you'll go back to her. This could just be a silly misunderstanding, so you can't just keep her waiting like that."

"Good idea." I smiled sheepishly, getting a pen and paper. I wanted to make it short and sweet, because if I want to explain myself, I'd rather be brave and do it in front of her. As of now, I just want to stay beside Kuja, as a brother. He's been a great _aniki_ to me, so I should repay him by being here when he needs it.

I scribbled what I wanted to tell her and made it as short as it could be. I raised it up an arm's length away like a child. My handwriting was horrible, but it wasn't illegible.

'_Dagger...please wait a little longer._'

* * *

It was night, and I sneaked out of Lindblum again. Or, more accurately, asked Boss if I could and walked out, saying bye and worrying about Kuja a bit. I clenched the paper, careful not to lose it. I was wearing my cloak, careful no one still knew I was alive other than the obvious. I set a Gysahl Greens on the chocobo tracks, and Choco came running at me, giving a happy 'kweh'. I smiled, petting Choco's feathery head. He gave another kweh and looked at me curiously.

"Come on Choco, to Alexandria again."

"Kweh!" Choco was excited—he must want me to dig up treasures with him again—and went behind me, making his head dive under me and scoop me up onto his back. He ran as fast as last time, if not faster, and began climbing the cliffs.

We were nearing Alexandria, I think. It didn't seem to take too long to get there, but it was longer than I hoped it would be. I was paying more attention to my thoughts; Kuja suddenly growing weak, Tantalus' sad pasts, if Dagger really was talking of me. Things haven't exactly gone my way, so I wasn't sure if it would be different now, and I hope it was. Choco was so fast, I had to cling to his neck, still drifting in my own thoughts. He suddenly stopped, causing me to snap back to reality.

Choco, for the first time in my life, couldn't run past a monster. It was big and feisty. I've never seen it before. It looked like a mix between a cat and a scaly dragon with rabbit ears that didn't know it was on the wrong side of the continent. Dragons don't appear here, they appear a bit over the mountains, or...somewhere there. I just knew it wasn't supposed to be here. It snarled, roared, clawed. Its fur rose, its long, rabbit-like ears threw themselves back. Its green-iris eyes narrowed.

Choco trembled and let out soft 'kwehs', backing away slowly as the cat-dragon-rabbit thing took its own steps forward. I grit my teeth. Alexandria can't be too far off from here. I jumped off Choco and grabbed my daggers with skill. "Choco, run!" I shouted, but Choco wasn't so sure. I gave him a look over my shoulder, saying he had to. Choco gave another kweh and began to run as fast as he could in the other direction. I looked back at the monster, bigger than a chocobo but smaller than a Grand Dragon, definitely. It bared its teeth. I think it feasts on chocobos, not humans or...what I am. I smirked, thoughts aside.

Twirling my daggers, the strongest pair I had, I grinned. "Come get me, kitty." I taunted, bending forward for an easier time running fast. Baku's words suddenly came across my mind. At a time like this, everything he taught me did. After all, I don't know what this monster does and I'm alone. At night, too, so that means no one can surprisingly appear and aid me when I need it.

'_When ya run, you should be like an arrow. An arrow's fast because it doesn't have anything restricting it from being fast. It doesn't have anything that blocks the wind, pushing it in the direction it came from. You need to try and mimic an arrow, to make yourself fast. Bending down can help a little, maybe ya should try that.'_

That's exactly what I did, running sidewards. I dodged every tail whip and claw-scratch it could do. The cat-dragon-rabbit thing snarled and tried pouncing. I dodged, but barely, and took the opportunity to get atop it. Its wings stretched to their limit and the cat-dragon-rabbit thing tried desperately to reach its back and bite me, trying to scratch me while I was on top of the weird thing, what ever it was. Its tail lashed like mine would when I was abnormally angry. I grinned, piercing my dagger through its stomach. It let a roar-cry or something of pain and flung me off.

"Oomph..." I muttered, landing on my lower back. I got up slowly, clenching the dagger I still had while I watched it curl up in pain. It collapsed, tail still swishing. I was waiting for it to stop moving so I could get my dagger from its stomach. I don't think it would last longer.

It let out a variety of sounds—growling, hissing, roaring, crying, snarling, whimpering...the list is endless. Finally, it collapsed, tail dropping. I gave myself a pat on the back. Mighty good job, I must say. Killing that thing on my own is an accomplishment for me. Smugly, I walked up to it to retrieve my dagger that I couldn't just summon out of there, but I wish I could. I stepped on its side, about to climb up when it suddenly roared and curled up, tail blocking the only way I had to get out. Its tail was long, so it had me sort of trapped in a circle it formed itself. It snarled.

I gripped my dagger tightly, bending forward a little and snarling myself. I waited for it to attack first, remembering what Baku said.

'_Sometimes, you gain the upper hand when a person is attacking. Ya have to be patient in a fight. Sometimes, defense is the best offense. Ya have to know when to do an attack as a defense. Ya have to have a sense of balance 'cause, when ya lean on one thing too much, yer strength could be yer downfall._'

It seemed to wait for me, but grew impatient after a few seconds and lunged at me. I smirked and ducked, dodging its head but barely. I thrust my dagger through its throat, hearing a yelp of pain from it. It tried desperately to get away but it couldn't. I started feeling the weight of the damn thing slowly dropping on me. If that thing wasn't going to kill me with its mouth, it was going to kill me with its weight. And it was god damned _heavy_.

I tried getting away, but it's neck trapped my leg. I sighed in great annoyance. Was I supposed to cut the whole head off just to get my leg out? I couldn't feel it breathe, so I guess I could take my time slicing each muscle with the dagger a bit away from me, still in its throat.

Oh wait a minute, I can't take too long.

Perfect.

* * *

"How...the hell...am I...supposed to get...to Dagger..._now_?!" I sliced the last neck muscle with my dagger. How gruesome the whole scene was, blood pouring from it like a waterfall. Right on _my_ leg. My poor, poor leg that was stuck under some weird, pathetic excuse for a dragon with rabbit ears and cat limbs but had what seemed like armor made of dragon scales covering its chest like a chest plate, its head like a helmet. It had armor on its limbs and neck but they all had small gaps. This cat-dragon-rabbit thing wasn't properly protected, and I praise the gods for that. This thing was a pain in the ass _already_.

I cut through what looked like an artery, which was now spewing blood. I gagged. You can say I wasn't exactly fond of blood.

"What the hell are you, anyway?" I muttered to the dead thing, pulling my leg out with, of course, my arms and whole upper body. It took a few seconds, but I was successful, throwing myself in its pool of blood. Or near it. I really wish it was the latter.

"What a _wonderful_ night. Day. Whatever." I sighed. "I'm starting to think letting Choco go was a bad idea." And so was only bringing only one Gysahl Greens. Tonight was really wonderful, but I had to go to Alexandria, still. What were they going to do without their ruler, right? Dagger hasn't been doing a great job since I 'visited' her. They said the whole kingdom of Alexandria was falling apart, bit by bit, but they still feel sorry for her rather than angry. I wondered how Dagger could do this. What was going through her head?

At that moment, I saw something fly towards me, a rolled up paper in its hand. It landed next to me, panting like it was in a hurry. It was the purple moogle that delivered letters. Who was it again? Artemacion? Artemasian? Oh yeah, Artemicion.

"Zi...Zidane!" He panted, almost falling to the ground. "You...you have a letter!" I arched my brow.

"A letter?"

"Yeah." Artemicion regained his composure and took a deep breath, handing me the letter. I took it and unrolled it, seeing why it seemed so important, given Artemicion just flew by here as if in a hurry. When I saw what was written, my eyes widened.

"Artemicion! Do you have a Gysahl Greens? I need it. Oh, and..." I reached for my pockets, grabbing the letter that was addressed to Dagger. "I need you to deliver this, too. It's a letter to the queen of Alexandria, Garnet til Alexandros the XVII. It's urgent."

"Again?" Artemicion whined while giving me the Gysahl Greens. "Fine, for the guy who saved my fur." He grabbed the letter from me, taking in a large amount of air. He began flying his little way of flying. I never exactly knew how moogles could fly. I could only assume the wings were for directing themselves and they just inhale large amounts of air to float. I don't know, I'm not a moogle expert.

I didn't waste time wondering. I set the Gysahl Greens down and jumped on Choco's back the moment he came running at me. "Choco! Back to Lindblum! It's urgent!" I yelled, though not in anger towards everything that took place that night.

Just in too much worry.


	8. Weakening and Weakening

-Ehh...poor Kuja. Poor, poor Kuja. Tantalus barely shows up here, but I promise, a whole load of Tantalus (or at least, more than there should be) next chapter!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Final Fantasy IX , if I did...the...cat-dragon-rabbit thing would be there. Which reminds me, has anyone noticed it's a little nod to Chowder, the cat-bear-rabbit thing?

* * *

"Whoa! Zidane! Dude, you reek!" Blank covered his nose, backing away. "You reek of blood...!"

"Shut up, Blank! I had to fight some cat-dragon-rabbit thing that eats chocobos! Where's Kuja?!" I yelled, probably angry at myself for not being there? I don't know, but hell was I worried. There were so many questions I seemed to have, and it was like only _he_ knew the answer to each one. It's what makes me feel sick of myself; I have to rely on someone else to get the answers I seek. I've never had to rely on someone most times, and I always thought it was stupid. And here I am.

"Calm down Zidane, he's fine, but he's been calling for you." Blank said. "He said something about the darkness engulfing him; dragging him down somewhere. He screamed that it hurt to be dragged down. He also mentioned—or if you want, screamed—of a light, a bright, bright light."

"I have to go to him."

"Smelling like _that_?" Blank took another couple of steps back, hand covering his mouth and nose. "Dude, you can't burst in smelling of...cat-dragon-rabbit blood."

"I just want to know if Kuja's alright."

"Fine, go ahead." Blank gestured to the door, not breathing to prevent having to smell the stench. I only frowned at him. Did I honestly smell that bad? Because I couldn't smell anything. That, or I had already gotten used to the cat-dragon-rabbit thing's blood.

I swung the doors open, smelling like blood. Kuja wasn't exactly awake but I think he was aware that I was here. I ran to his side, even if I did smell of blood. "Kuja, are you alright?" I asked, my eyes holding worry. He seemed like he was in trouble. I've seen it happen to people. It was like some kind of unexplainable plague. You have nightmares of sorts and then, you just...die. Maybe it's just simply known as 'death in sleep' but...there was something off about it. You know those times when you _know_ something's wrong, but you can't put your finger on it?

I gazed at him, he was half asleep, but he managed to let a soft whimper. I sighed in relief. At least he was alive. "Kuja, stay here, I'm just gonna change." I said softly and stood up, heading for the bathroom. I closed the main door of the room before I took my vest and undershirt off, heading in the bathroom. I kept myself alert. I wanted to protect Kuja, since it was the best thing I could do for him. I stared at the mirror. I looked tired and worn out, which I thought was an accurate image because I _felt_ tired and worn out. There was still blood on my body. The thing's blood. I frowned, getting a towel, wetting it then wringing it. I washed up.

I remembered my thigh. That part of the pants felt heavy with blood. It was disgusting because the blood began to become coagulated, even if it was just hanging around in cloth. The thing about monsters, as I've noticed, was that their blood varies. For example, a monster, let's say a Gigan Toad were to appear. If you had its blood splash all over you, it would feel slimy and at some point slippery, like goo. It had blood qualities too, like it obviously being red and the way it dried up. Dragon blood was like scales—thick and heavier than normal human blood. That was precisely what the weird things' blood felt. Thick and heavy. It was a dragon, that much I knew.

I inserted my thumbs in my pants, about to take them off when I heard Kuja call me.

"Zidane...?" Kuja called me, like he was lost. "Why do you smell of blood? Did something happen?"

I smiled behind the bathroom door. I popped my head out and grinned. "No, no. Nothing really important happened. I just fought a dragon that feasts on chocobos. That's all, Kuja. Go back to sleep if you want. I'll be here." I said, as sweetly as my voice can go, making me sound a bit fake. I had a feeling Kuja didn't believe me so much because of the tone, since he stared at me for a while before he snuggled back in the covers. What I said couldn't be any more true, though.

I just wish Kuja knew that.

* * *

I took a long shower. A long, long shower, just to get all the stench off me. It wasn't easy, because dragon blood is, as I've said, just like their scales, in a way. Scales are hard, and if you were to describe a smell as 'hard' you would have to say, oh, maybe intense. And boy, was it _intense_. I still faintly smelled of dragon blood, much to my dissatisfaction. The fact I still smelled of blood upset me so much, I was frowning and mumbling curses the whole time I was putting on clothes and about to get out. I stopped frowning though.

I smiled faintly at Kuja, sleeping peacefully like a helpless girl, since he was curled up and the blanket only covered around, three fourths of his body. I only payed attention to what he was wearing now; a plain, whitish gray pair of pajamas, but he looked nice in them. In a way. His eyes were closed, but not tightly shut. His hands were like fists that had just been relaxed. He had a lot of pillows. Sad part was half of the pillows he had were mine. Were.

Kuja hugged one of the pillows he took from me. A nice pillow filled with a strange mix of feathers and cotton. It was nice and fluffy, unlike my other pillows. Which also made me sad because he took my favorite one. But since Kuja was already on his last few days, weeks or months, I decided to let him have it, while he wasn't looking. Don't get me wrong, he asked for it, argued, and then gave up, settling with other pillows. His excuse for wanting pillows that he 'wasn't used to sleeping with less than three pillows' since he came from a palace and all.

I settled down on the bed, closing the lamp on the bedside table in between me and Kuja and settled under my blanket. Did I also mention he took a blanket from me once? He gave it back at least. Thoughts of him stealing my bed stuff aside, I shifted my mind to how much he's changed. And he has considerably, problem is, his whole stealing my pillows and blanket just proved he could be a bit selfish, like he always has. I mean, have you seen his palace? His palace is downright _huge_ beyond all reason. It's no wonder he has to hide it under quicksand or else he's gonna have a whole army of haters running after him. Eiko complained for around thirty minutes about how they—as in, Vivi, Quina and Freya; Dagger was with me—kept getting lost just because everything was downright big and looked almost the same.

I laughed softly to myself, just as I remembered everyone. Vivi took Kuja's presence well; he understood. I'm just not sure how the others will. Amarant is sure to say nothing much. Quina doesn't have much against Kuja, so he—or she—isn't going to say much either. Probably 'Zidane, he bad man, why he still live?' or 'Zidane, he have no food! Why he have no food?!', whichever comes to Quina first; Kuja's deeds or food. Eiko will question me endlessly, Steiner will...scold me. Freya would question me as well, then see if she can allow. Dagger would...

I heard a faint knock on the window. Unlike the Prima Vista room I have, the window here was small. Really small, compared to the huge one in the ship. I didn't realize that I actually slept a little. Or was too deep in my thoughts with my eyes shut that I didn't realize how much time flew by. It wasn't exactly morning, but I think it was near dawn.

I walked up to the window and I saw a tired and breathless Artemicion. I quickly opened the window and popped my head out. Even if the window was small compared to the huge one in the Prima Vista, it was still somewhat big. Or at least medium sized. Big enough for me to poke my head out and still have some space.

"Zidane...I..." Artemicion dropped on the windowsill, breathing heavily. "Whew...what a trip..." He said, in between deep breaths for air. I was a bit grumpy, so I gave a scowl.

"Artemicion..." I sighed, "the letter, if I have any?"

"Okay, okay...just...whew...can I have a glass of water?"

"Letter first."

"I thought you weren't cruel..." Artemicion moaned, flopping to his back. "Come on buddy, please? A glass of water? A cup of coffee? Anything ice?"

"You don't hand me the letter, I'm gonna have my brother _hit_ you with ice, now give it." I demanded, still grumpy for the restless night the heavens bestowed upon me. I put a hand to my head, groaning at the minor headache.

"Oh come on...please? Just for me?"

"I'm about to _tackle_ you right about now..." I threatened, growing really impatient.

"Oh fine, but after this I need a glass of water. I thought it was really urgent so I didn't exactly drink..." Artemicion reached for his bag, shuffling through the papers. While he looked for the letter, he continued complaining. "Whew...three urgent letters in between people from Lindblum and Alexandria...I praise the heavens it wasn't anywhere drastic like delivering mail between moogles in the Forgotten Continent and the Mist Continent..." He said, voice lowering, slowly becoming a soft mumble.

"Aha!" He brought a white envelope out and made a victory pose. "Here. And I need a glass of water, kupo." Artemicion handed it to me.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just go to the kitchen and grab yourself some." I said, still scowling at Artemicion while I opened the letter.

"You can't bring it for me, kupo?" He whined. I threw a glare.

"FYI, I'm not your _servant_, in fact, _you're_ the one who's supposed to be serving me."

"Hello?! I flew from Lindblum to Alexandria and back just for _you_, kupo! Isn't that considered service?!" He stood up, hands on his furry and chubby waist. Artemicion _was_ the type of moogle that was...gutsy. He fought back a lot.

"Hey! Don't make me—!"

"Fine! I'll get it myself, kupo..." Artemicion began mumbling, flying to the door to go to the kitchen and get himself some water. I sighed heavily. I was afraid I might have disturbed Kuja a little. I looked back at the window and the sun started peeking. I turned back to Kuja and he was still sleeping soundly.

I got the letter out of the envelope, and there was only a few words that were written on the paper. It was Dagger's handwriting, making me feel relieved that she wasn't talking about someone else. I carefully read it, near the window so the sun shone some light on it, just as I heard Ruby scream of a moogle and Artemicion shouted back.

'_I just want to know...why?_'

Just as I was about to set it down and grab my own pen and paper to reply, Kuja began screaming. I dropped the letter, stunned, and ran to Kuja's bedside. He screamed of a darkness pulling him in, only this time, there was a demon. He screamed again, making me freeze beside him. It was my first time to hear Kuja scream after all. What broke my heart—in a way—was that he started screaming _my_ name.

"Kuja!" I called, placing both my hands on his shoulders, shaking him. "Kuja! Wake up!"

And he slowly stopped screaming. His voice lowered to silent little sobs or...something, and his eyes opened. He looked scared. My heart sank, seeing him like this. It was a brotherly thing, I hope. Kuja just threw his arms around my neck and hugged me tight.

I couldn't get used to many things about Kuja. Ever since I saved him from the Iifa Tree...yeah, he changed, but...

"Zidane?" Kuja called me, almost sleepily. His hair was kind of messy these days, and his eyes always looked almost...empty. It made goosebumps run down my spine.

"Yeah?" I lifted my head from my hand. I just realized I was staring at him worriedly. But he seemed to not notice because he was staring at his maroon blankets. The sun poured in, coloring everything with a bright yellowish light. Kuja turned to me.

"I suppose you're wondering what..." he trailed, looking away. Like there was something traumatizing on my face. "...what my dream was..."

"Oh, no, it's okay if you don't want to talk about it..." I smiled faintly, like I was insisting I didn't need to know and things were gonna be okay. Like I said, a smile meant a lot. He looked back at me, frowning a little. He took a deep breath.

"You were in it..."

"Wha...? Why?" I wondered, my head slightly tilting like it usually did.

"I don't know." He said, shrugging. "But you were in it. You were in it and we were both in a sea of dark blood. I don't know if it was dark blood, or just a dim place with black water. We were both drowning, our heads bobbing up and down. I was holding out just fine, but then you started having trouble. I tried to help you but it didn't work, you started to scream my name, asking for help. Or maybe just a brotherly hand to remind you weren't alone. And then, your voice started to fade and there was this demon thing with horns..." Kuja gestured with his hands, like he was sculpting ram horns on a head with clay.

He paused a while, trying to remember, I think. "The demon laughed, and he sounded roughly like...a god. I don't know. You just can tell he is in a way. Then your voice grew weaker until you stopped moving. Then...I don't know...it's..vague after that."

I smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry Kuja, I'm here. I'm still here." I grinned.

Kuja smiled back at me, still in his bed. I guess we both grew a soft spot for each other these past few...months. Almost eleven. That, I guess, was enough time for some mortal enemy to become a good brother to you and gain a soft spot for him.

"Hey, I'm gonna get you some breakfast, okay?"

"Yeah." Kuja nodded. "I'll just stay here..."

I nodded, walking out to get him a tray of food. We both knew that we were both shaken up from the whole, few-minute incident. I knew I was because, it was...in a way, scary. I mean, think about it. Your brother suddenly starts screaming about something and you just stand there, listening to him. Even though it was only a few seconds, it was still somewhat scary and a bit painful.

When I went in the kitchen, I saw Artemicion, drinking a lot of water, and beside him were a plateful of eggs. I scowled again and put my hands on my waist. I stomped.

"Artemicion!" He dropped what he was holding and looked at me, cowering in fear. "Get out of here. I said a glass of water. _You_ said a glass of water. Only. Now, get going. You have other moogles waiting, I'm sure." I said, pointing to the door with a frown.

Artemicion mumbled, flying on his way out. I decided not to be so hard on the guy, and shouted before he left.

"If you want me to be kind, you shouldn't talk back anymore!"

I think he heard it. But only a few minutes after he left, I realized I hadn't replied to Dagger.

* * *

"Kuja, what am I gonna do?" I asked, desperately looking for an answer. I paced around the room, biting my gloved thumb. My tail swayed anxiously. I shook my head at each lame and obviously useless idea. "She might think I don't...she might..." I said nervously, not able to finish my sentences. I didn't want Dagger to get the wrong idea; that I didn't love her. Even if it's obvious I did. Love is sensitive, I guess. And it was partially because this was my first time? I'm not sure—like I am about many things—but I had a feeling that me not replying could send wrong messages. No pun intended.

It wasn't easy finding a moogle now. They move around. Not like that moogle I recall is Stiltzkin; traveling around the world. They just kept moving. And in Lindblum, there were a lot of places a moogle could go to. I lost that flute that called on a moogle, I forgot the name, since they all looked the same. It was either I lost the flute or I left it with everyone else. I couldn't go to Alexandria because...well, I had to look after Kuja. Blank and the others had their own business to attend to. I mean, Cinna's always busy tinkering with gears and such, and it's a fragile hobby because the slightest movement could pull all his hard work down the drain, Blank was secretly—yes, he doesn't know me and Boss know—fascinated with herbs, so it was sort of crucial that he learned, in case something happens. Ruby was...I don't know what went on with her or everyone else, but still. I couldn't leave.

Kuja was too busy watching me while nibbling on a pancake to answer. When I turned to him, he only blinked and gave a sheepish grin. "I'm not sure, Zidane." He said, still holding his pancake with a fork. "Maybe you should just trust everyone here and—"

"No. I want to stay. We both know you want me here." I said, insisting I wouldn't leave him here. "Last time you told me to leave you..." I trailed

Kuja fell silent and sighed, like he always does when he's disappointed. Maybe he was disappointed in my faith in everyone else. I gave a worried sigh myself and sat down on his bed.

"Kuja..."

"Come on, you can leave me here with Tantalus. I promise." Kuja said, smiling a little.

"I feel like I can't, okay?" I looked down, a little upset myself. It's like something in me knew he was right, but I denied it and knew my reason for it wasn't exactly the best reason. "I feel like I can't leave you, after what happened. You screaming and all. It wasn't the first time, either. And I know that you won't be sleeping, but...something else might happen."

"You know that's not true."

"It's possible!"

"It's for your love, Zidane. Go ahead. I'll be fine, really. Nothing will happen and everyone in Tantalus will make sure of that—as well as me, okay? This is something you have to do, Zidane." Kuja insisted, not wanting to take 'no' for an answer.

"I just...feel like I need to be here. As a brother, you know?" I paused. "It's...I feel like I can't abandon you."

"Says the one who was willing to rescue the genomes alone. Zidane, I _saw_ you. You were willing to go alone to save the genomes. You were willing to leave your friends." Kuja said, crossing his arms, feeling like he's won but still looked at me.

"Yeah, because I couldn't abandon the genomes!" I shot back, but not meaning to sound offensive or anything.

Kuja sighed heavily. "Oh fine. I can't convince you otherwise. I've already tried that." He said, a little smile at the corner of his lips. "Just don't make me regret it."

* * *

As time passed from hours, to days, to weeks...I felt like Kuja's eyes were getting dimmer and dimmer. When he started fitting in, his eyes were practically shimmering with various emotions and feelings. Now, his eyes still held those emotions, true, but they were...less lively. That's it. He wasn't so lively.

My heart kept sinking whenever I saw Kuja sitting on the bed. He gradually started to lose his strength, not letting him walk so properly. He always tried, with that face of determination. He would grip anything to pull himself up, then let go, taking a few steps. Then, after like ten steps, he would fall or trip. When time passed, after a few days, ten steps became eight, six, five...with much more force, he could still go a couple of more steps, but it was extremely evident that he was definitely losing it.

He tried casting magic, too. It only took one Curaga spell to weaken him considerably now. It worried me. When we fought him, he used Curaga like, a hundred times. And that wasn't in Trance. I understood if he could only hold out for like...fifteen spells only, but...only one? Eiko could handle that. And how little was she? Six?

Like everything else, his voice grew weaker. It was as upbeat as he made it, but it was weaker, and he began to sound like he hadn't drank water in a while. He was getting paler and his hands were getting shaky beyond all reason. He could hold a glass, sure, but...it would spill a little. If I still hated him, I would have laughed straight at his face, knowing he wouldn't Ultima me to bits, but I didn't. I didn't hate Kuja. After...what, evleven months and two weeks?

With that given time, I wasn't afraid to tell people that I loved Kuja as a brother, and the way I see it, that was never going to change.


	9. The Lavender Feather

-Silent Hill...? :o

**Disclaimer:** I do now own Final Fantasy IX (and I might as well add Kingdom Hearts and the boss in Trauma Center), if I did, then Final Fantasy IX would so make a great anime OVA thing...Probably an OVA on Kuja? (And if I owned KH, well, I'd be stinkin' rich and Stiles wouldn't exactly end up with Angie...yet.)

* * *

I could hear Kuja cough dryly as I stood outside the room, listening to him. It pained me to hear him everyday like this. I don't know how many times I'm going to make such petty reasons to convince myself that I wasn't sensitive myself. I sighed softly. I thought I changed Kuja, but apparently, Kuja was the one who changed himself, and not just him.

I put my head next to the door, almost fading into my own world where Kuja was accepted by everyone in Gaia and he was lively like always, with not just Dagger, but everyone else. Oh gods, Dagger. I shut my eyes like the world around me was too painful to look at. What was I going to do? Kuja's already in a stage wherein he could slip away from the world at any minute. No, _second_. I didn't want to not be here when he needs me most. I don't want to abandon him. And I had a feeling Dagger was getting the wrong thoughts. Both those things troubled me.

"Zi...dane...?" I heard Kuja's weak and dry voice. I reopened my eyes and stared at the wood. Something was keeping me silent. I didn't know what, but something was. I sighed softly again, shifting to my other foot and balancing the glass of water he had on his tray. "Zid...ane...?" He called again.

"Yeah?"

"Why are you just—standing outside...?" He said, in between dry coughs. I didn't want to listen to him because his voice kept shoving the other upbeat voice he had not too long ago out of my head. I didn't want the last thing I have to remember of his voice was this, I admit, very ugly one that sounded dry. I snapped back from my thoughts; I couldn't just stand around. I opened the door slowly and managed a smile when my head—or half—was visible to him.

"It's nothing."

He gave the brightest smile of appreciation he could give me, which wasn't so bright. I set down the tray on the bedside table and sat on the floor. Lately, I've been sitting on the floor more than the chairs, beds or even tables. My backside always found it more comfortable there, and I had no idea why.

Kuja tapped my head, like I was staring at the floor way too long. I looked up and managed a sheepish smile. I couldn't stay happy around him, so all my smiles seemed...forceful. He could only give a frown and a soft sigh. "There is much...I have to tell you."

I tilted my head slightly and thought it better I sat on the floor. I rested my head on Kuja's bed and stared up at him, like a little puppy asking for a treat. Only I'm asking for what he's been keeping from me. Yes, I haven't forgotten because I always tried to get it out of him, but it never worked. I waited patiently, not showing any sign of me about to snap at how he took so long.

"Garland...when he manufactured me and found out that I...was a failure..." Ha paused, looking for a better way to explain things, perhaps. Either way, I never liked it when he said he was considered a failure. I didn't shoot back, I just kept silent because I knew that if I did, Kuja wouldn't tell me anything more. He continued. "...how to say...he implanted a virus in me that...does something, but I'm not sure in particular. It...kills me slowly, but faster than humans." He said, looking away. I only froze.

"Kuja...seriously?"

He nodded. "But that's not all. You were built to..." He trailed, looking as if he didn't want to continue, but he forced himself. "...you were built to last forever. You were meant to be by Garland's side forever. Or at least for as long as the Terrans live. You have an immortal life, and you won't age. That's why your heart has a virus as well. But, it doesn't kill you, of course. It keeps you"—He coughed—"it keeps you looking the same. Forever." He had a bit of a grim look on his face.

I stayed silent.

"I'm sorry, Zidane." He said, like he was guilty for putting the virus in me and building me to last forever. I found myself standing by then. "I wanted to keep it from you, but I knew better." Kuja sighed

"I...it's okay." I managed, like everything else I did. "It's not your fault..." I said, sitting down on my bed. Kuja looked at me with a worried gaze, making me shake my head insisting it was fine, and me going on forever wasn't going to make me have a different view of life...a negative view of life.

"Can I die in battle?"

"Unless your body works slow enough, no..." He said quietly. It would be inaudible if the room wasn't dead silent, and the only thing I could hear was our breathing and Kuja's coughs he tried to muffle on his own. "If I could live forever like you, maybe things wouldn't be so..." he trailed. I only nodded. He was right, in a way. If we both had lifespans that would last forever, at least it would be easier; seeing the ones you love slowly die, knowing you might not be with them is quite painful, I'm pretty sure.

I smiled a little. "Kuja? I think your soup's getting cold..." I said as a little, feeble attempt to change the subject, the smile on my face threatening to fade. It really was hard to smile when you wanted to kill yourself so badly.

* * *

"Zidane, deary?"

My eyes snapped open, looking at the doorway. I was on my bed, lying down and facing the ceiling, or at least I thought I was until I realized my eyes were shut. I sat up, to acknowledge Ruby's presence in the room. I gave a blank stare.

"Huh?" Was all I managed, the blood rushing from my head, my eyes not seeing much and my head feeling heavy. I continued. "What's up?"

"Oh, nothing deary. Baku just—uh...I mean, Baku just wanted me to tell you to, uh, stay...safe...!" She gave a grin any member of Tantalus knew was fake. I gave her a bit of a skeptical look and stood up, walking closer. I arched a brow, giving a questioning look in my eyes. I didn't ask a question though.

"You're hiding something." I said, stopping a few feet away. She gave another fake look; a clueless one. The frown I had only became deeper.

"I sure darn ain't hidin' anythin' darlin'!" She said. Whatever she's hiding, Baku must have told her to keep it from me. I got a bit ticked off. Why would Baku hide something from me, right? But my birthday was near. Then again, in the past sixteen years of my life, I haven't gotten a birthday present or anything. I was 'born' on September something, I guess it's pretty much the same day Baku found me. Baku says it was September three, but I'm not so sure.

I just sighed, Baku would probably not want me to know anyway, and if he finds out that I know it, if ever, he might beat me up. Knowing this too well, I decided to not make such a fuss about it. I sighed and looked at Kuja, who was sleeping soundly, then back at Ruby, then back at Kuja. Ruby looked at him the same way I did.

"He doesn't have much longer, does he?" I muttered, just loud enough for her to hear.

"I don't think so." Ruby sighed. "I wish he could live longer. You look like you really need him, Zidane..." she said, her voice trailing. She suddenly lost her accent. Last time she did that, she was worried sick for someone we all didn't know, but knew she was close with him or her. She kept losing her accent. It was like her accent was there just for kicks.

She looked at me with a worried expression before she left in a hurry. It was like she was more worried about me than Kuja. I only watched her leave the room, my mind wondering why. But I shook my head and went back to my own bed.

Her look seemed to bother me a little, but I decided to just shrug it off.

* * *

"Brother..."

My eyes snapped open. It was Kuja again. I was still half asleep, but I got up anyway, walking towards his bed. I put a hand to his shoulder and called to him softly. "Yes, Kuja? Is there something you need?" I said, a fake smile on my face, but he knew was fake.

"I...I'm sorry." He coughed dryly. "I still feel like I haven't been a good brother to you...I...haven't." He said, his voice threatening to be silenced. I shook my head and put both my hands on his shoulders as he faced me, looking extremely tired.

"No. You've been the best big brother I could have. Or at least, have never experienced having. Until now." I smiled, remembering those times. "Don't say that. We both know that's not true. Everything I think you're thinking isn't true; that you haven't been a good brother and that you haven't repented enough...Kuja, it's enough." I shook him a little, hoping somehow, it helped to get my words through his thick head. He only shook it, like I was missing a crucial fact.

"What...did Garland tell you?"

The moment he said his name, I hesitated. Garland hasn't spoken to me in a long time, thank the gods, but why does Kuja want to know? I skipped that question and told him anyway. "Like I said. He told me believing a lie isn't gonna get me anywhere and...oh yeah. He thinks of me as his son." I shook my head. "I don't believe that last part."

"He does, if he wanted to tell you that..." Kuja said softly. The ever so silent room made it audible, like everything else he told me.

"What are you talking about? If that was Garland, he isn't doing such a good job on being a father. Why would he want his own son to make his friends suffer, knowing I'm going to suffer as well? That's not being fatherly Kuja."

"He wasn't...talking about that..."

I fell silent. "Kuja...what do you mean?" And just then, his image started to flicker, like a light. My eyes widened in surprise. Was this some last magic trick Kuja cooked up just to scare me? Because it was one sick and twisted joke. He had a peaceful look on his face, but it also held a grim expression. That made me have second thoughts about him pulling off some prank.

"Kuja...why are you...?" I paused, staring at him with a slight look of horror—or surprise—and a look that showed I was clueless. I really was. "Why are you...flickering? Hell, why are you _fading_? People don't fade when they die...they..." I trailed. "If this is some joke, stop it, Kuja."

"It's not." He sighed, his normal voice returning, leaving me quite baffled. "I'm...not real." He looked away from me without turning his head. I just gave a small hint of laughter, like he was being silly.

"What? Kuja, that's the worst joke you ever pulled off. And it's sick because you actually made me fall for it." I said, a smile creeping up my face. He had to be joking. How can someone right in front of you say 'I'm not real' and expect you to believe it, right? "Of course you're real, see? I can touch you. Isn't that...real?"

He smiled sadly. "I wish it was..."

"Kuja..."

"What's he tellin' you, boy?" I jumped a little, turning around. It was Baku. He came in silently. I didn't know how, but he did. His words confused me. How could he not hear Kuja? His voice wasn't soft and dry, it was normal. Baku even said it himself—Kuja's voice was really loud.

"What are you saying? Can't you hear him?!" I walked closer. "He's saying...he's saying he isn't real and believes it. Boss, come on, help me?"

"Confabulation."

"...wha...what?" I asked, feeling tired. I seemed breathless. Baku merely stared at me and shifted his gaze to the bed and pointed, a real serious look on his face. I was kind of scared to look back, but being me, I didn't show that I was and slowly turned. Lo and behold. Kuja was gone.

"It's a state of mind wherein one confabulates. In other words, he cannot tell true memory from imagination. Originally, Confabulation only happens when the person is provoked, but in some cases, it happens as a chain reaction. Confabulation can also be caused by brain damage. There are two possibilities for you, Zidane. When you went in the Iifa Tree, you fell and hit your head too hard or you're suffering from 'complicated grief'. But in this case, it might be guilt, instead of grief." Baku finished. I was turned around so I couldn't see his face, but I felt that everyone else was there, to see how I was doing, maybe?

"Zidane, ya better now, darlin'?" Ruby asked, a little worried.

"Why didn't you tell me...sooner?" I asked, my voice shaky.

"Oh dear...don't cry..." Ruby said, which would have made Cinna, Marcus and Blank laugh their butts off, but they weren't laughing. They weren't.

"Ha...I'm not crying. I'll never cry...haha..." I said, feeling a grin crawl up my face. I lowered my head and reached for my daggers. I could only hear myself laugh softly, then it became louder, and louder, and louder. Until I was laughing like crazy and I had to throw my head back. I managed to say something I didn't want to say, but said anyway. "Nobody's crying Ruby...haha...nobody is..."

I turned around, giving them the most psychotic smile I could muster in that moment. And, I have to tell you, they looked terrified.

Almost pleased with myself—only I wasn't—I raised my dagger to my throat, it's blade pushing at my skin, threatening to cut my neck open. I only closed my eyes tight and stepped back, almost stumbling as I did, like I was tired from a week's worth of work in one day. I started feeling my cheeks going wet. I doubt I was crying from Kuja's death—but then again, I couldn't decipher myself now—I was crying from all the time I wasted in two places—namely the Prima Vista and the hideout, fantasizing about something that wasn't there.

And the two worst parts saved for last: I kept Dagger waiting too long and I learned to love, in a brotherly way, a figment of my imagination.

Just when I was about to suicide—there, I said it—my dagger was knocked out of my hand and Baku gripped my wrists, holding them tightly. I snapped my eyes open and glared at him. I struggled but his grip only tightened. I couldn't even feel the blood circulating in my hands anymore.

"Some of the things that happened _were_ real, Zidane. It's just that everything Kuja told you have not. Everything Kuja did, everything Kuja said, everything Kuja gave you, everything you saw Kuja do, everything you saw _interacting_ with Kuja; none of those things were real." Baku said, almost as if it would help.

"Just let me die. At least I'd be happier." I said, voice shaky. I continued to struggle but Baku kept his grip firm, if not tightened it.

"Zidane, you have to stop and rest, okay? You continuously woke yourself up to tend to 'Kuja'." Baku said, his eyes staring, almost into my soul. I stopped struggling and just stared back at him, not bothering to fix my position. I was leaning back, but Baku was strong enough to hold me up with ease. "Everyone else, get out." he told them, and of course, they went out. They just gave me what looked like a few concerned and apologetic looks.

After a moment of silence, I looked away and let everything sink in. Just like that, he let go of my wrists, making me fall on the floor. I didn't complain, and Baku didn't say anything either. He only stepped back and watched me.

After a moment. He spoke up, but I didn't bother looking at him, which normally gets on his nerves but he didn't say anything about it. "Feeling a bit better?"

"Somewhat."

"What's your plan, then?" I saw him cross his arms, then did I look at him

"You're right, I should rest...I don't want Dagger to see me so...wasted" I said softly, slowly looking down while the words rolled off my tongue. The idea of Dagger seeing me like this sent a shudder down my spine. I didn't like seeing her cry, and I was pretty sure she would if she saw me, like, right now.

Baku sighed. "Zidane..." he didn't know what to say because he just stopped himself. I understood why he doesn't know because I didn't know what to tell myself. All I could do was just stand up and show Baku that's I'd be fine. But as always, I wasn't really fine.

"I'll be okay." I said while standing up, still staring at the floor. My actions before Baku sort of calmed me down were true; I did want to kill myself. I mean, you can't blame me, because you don't know how you would react when the time arises, right? I kept staring at the floor. I felt Baku's gaze; a worried gaze. All I could describe people's looks towards me with was worry and pity. It made me sick.

I looked up at him. "Really, I'll be okay."

"Try to stay that way." He said, turning around and looking at me over the shoulder. "Don't let this get to you too much. You have things to do while you rest from everything. Set your mind straight an' everything. You know what I mean. One more thing," He gave a dramatic pause. "we didn't tell you to snap out of it because...we thought what you've been though"—he looked away from me and towards the door—"was too much, so we wanted to give you a break. Even if it was wrong. We figured, would you really have lived peacefully if we did tell you? We assumed telling you would be the same as you finding out for yourself, you know what I mean?"

I nodded, even though he couldn't see me. There was just this little thing between me and Baku; it was like we knew each others movements without even looking. He nodded himself.

"Boss," I said, lowering my head to stare at the floor. I caught his attention. "'Kuja' told me that when he dropped me off from Terra, he was really happy that you were the one who found me. When he said that, I realized that I was happy too." I looked back up ta him. He wasn't facing me, but he was listening.

"Thanks...dad."

There was a heavy silence, but I could feel Baku smile a little to himself. I swear I could hear him sniffle a little. A smile of my own tugged at the corner of my mouth. I could feel we both knew we were smiling. Baku started walking away; out the door. I felt a warm draft against my back; something I hadn't noticed. I turned around and saw the window open, which I don't remember being open. It must be the confabulation-whatever thing Baku was saying. I must have missed the fact I—or someone—opened the window. My eyes lowered to the bed, and they widened as I recognized the shape of a couple of feathers tinted lavender on the bed.

I picked them up and stared at them, my skin crawling. It could have been a bird, but it didn't seem like it. I looked out the window.

"Kuja...?"


	10. Reunion and The Unknown Answer

-Kweh and chirp are the same, huh? -sighs- That cloak of Zidane? Pretend he's wearing Roxas' cloak, only brown. I always thought he'd look good in an Organization cloak—but then again, everyone does because the Organization made one of the most awesome cloaks ever.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own FFIX, if I did, the story would have a little more juice. Like, Kuja shattered the crystal and there's like, a whole disc FIVE! And then you have to retrieve the shattered pieces before the world slowly deteriorates! That's like, a somewhat FFVI rip off man! xD

* * *

"Zidane..." Freya shook her head, a sign of pity from her. "You...you need rest. You've been through too much, in my opinion." She said. "First, causing the one you love to wait far too long, then you find out everything that you did with...him, were..." She trailed.

"It isn't as bad as I make it sound, really..." I muttered.

"I probably would have as well. Zidane, you saw him as a brother. You treated him as one and he treated you the same, even if it wasn't...what you thought. An eleven-months' worth of time is enough for one to treat even that man as a loved one." She said, shaking her head. "I'm so sorry."

"Well, I guess it's not just that..." I said, staring at the ceiling. "Before, me and the group promised each other that no matter what, we wouldn't kill anyone. It became a life goal for me and all. It's just that, knowing I killed or, at the very least, let Kuja die, was enough for me to have a ton of regret." I sighed.

"Ah." Freya said. "A heart so pure can easily be discouraged."

"Did you just say I have a pure heart?" I looked back at Freya who merely nodded.

"Is there any other explanation you think is plausible? I feel it's the only explanation for you being too guilty about killing Kuja. You even tried to save the mad man." She said, taking her turn to stare at the ceiling. "You know what he's done. And yet, you give him another chance. Baku raised you well, Zidane. It's only every once in a while do you meet a man with such a pure heart. Even though you may flirt with girls and all that nonsense, it doesn't mean you don't have a clean heart." She smiled at me.

"Thanks, Freya." I said softly.

"You must be hungry." She stood up, offering a hand. I smiled back at her. I took her hand and got up.

I was glad I knew my friends were real.

* * *

I munched on a piece of chicken, my mind wandering off to what Freya said. 'A heart so pure can easily be discouraged'. She said it was a good thing, but I guess most good things in life have their bad points too. I mean, why would I want to be easily discouraged? Then again, a pure heart _is_ something worth having. It's something good, isn't it?

Freya was cooking something else, to my surprise. Fratley was across the table. I could tell he was a bit nervous with me around. He hasn't exactly talked with me before. Last time we shared a few words, it really was a few words and I yelled at him for forgetting Freya. Yeah, you can say we had a good time getting to know each other by one percent.

"Um, hey." I managed to say, a small smile. I felt a bit better releasing my bottled up, how to say, pain? It didn't feel like pain to some extent. I saw Fratley raise his head, a brow arched. "Um, nice place you got here, sir. I like the beds." I grinned sheepishly.

He smiled a bit. "Thank you, um, Zidane, yes?"

"Yeah."

"I heard from Freya, about your..." He coughed. "I am terribly sorry for your...loss....?" He didn't seem to know if 'loss' was the right word, but his intentions were good. I just nodded my head silently and took another bite off the chicken.

"I'm not really sure if it's a 'loss'..." I muttered, but Fratley heard it well. Burmecians must have sharp ears. I mean, they are...er, rats, but I preferred to not say they were unless they pissed the hell out of me.

"I am humbly sorry if I offended you."

"Nah, you didn't. Fratley, you're a good man. Otherwise, Freya wouldn't love you so much. I understand your intentions and all that, okay? There's no need to say sorry." I grinned, still holding my barely finished piece of chicken leg. He smiled and nodded while Freya came in with steaming soup that smelled too delicious for its own soupy good.

"You look very hungry, Zidane. Are you _sure_ you aren't that hungry and-or did not starve yourself?" Freya asked, her brow arched as she set the bowl of soup down in the middle of the table and wasn't that far from me. Which is good.

"I'm not exactly...sure." I admitted, staring at the soup. I never knew Freya could even cook. My slight, hungry smile turned to a slight frown, losing my appetite. "I think I'm sure." I said softly, lowering my gaze. Freya looked at me apologetically, even if she had no fault.

"Freya? Can I stay here for a few days?"

"Sure." She nodded, letting go of the soup. "May I ask why?"

"Well, approximately..." I said, shifting on my seat. "it takes a day or two for the Prima Vista to reach Lindblum from here. Unless they're on a chocobo, for some strange reason, time and distance is different for them. I have to go back to Tantalus before I go back to Dagger. I have a small plan." I grinned.

* * *

It was past a few days. Freya stood by the gates to Burmecia with Fratley. It's only been like, three days, and me and Fratley got along pretty well. He really is one of the best Dragon Knights out there, he beat twice in a row, and I barely beat him the third time. Freya and Fratley were standing together like a close couple—which they were—as they waved and said their goodbyes to me. It kind of saddened me that Freya couldn't bring back Fratley's memory, even though it's been a year.

I waved back, yelling regards and farewells. Finally, I managed to walk away feeling good, until I found chocobo tracks on the ground. I didn't even completely place the Gysahl Greens on the ground and Choco already came running at me.

"Choco! How are ya, buddy? I haven't seen you in a _long_ time!" I pat his head as he let out a soft 'kweh'. "Hey, we gotta go to Lindblum; can you?" I asked. Choco gave another kweh and dived under me to get me on top again. He gave another kweh and began running at full speed.

Somewhere along the way, Mene popped up out of nowhere. I was used to seeing Mene pop out of nowhere. Choco immediately pulled to a stop and chirped happily.

"Hey, kupo. Just thought I should check on you two, kupo." Mene grinned.

"Well, we're fine. Heading to Lindblum. You wanna come along? It's pretty dangerous." I said, looking around while holding onto my stuff Baku left with Freya. Mene began to float into the air and landed on Choco and in front of me.

"I might as well, kupo. I haven't seen my fellow moogles, kupo." She sighed. "Are there moogles in Lindblum?"

"Yeah, but only a few, even if Lindblum was big. They're hard to find, too. Lindblum is so darn big, they tend to explore. Makes it harder for people to find moogles. Could be the same for you, Mene." Choco began running like he always did, climbing the mountain near Gizamaluke's Grotto.

"I guess so, kupo." She sighed again.

"Hey Mene? How come it's faster on chocobo rather than airships? It doesn't make sense." I asked. It's been hovering in my head for a while. An airship can take a few hours to get to Cleyra—which isn't on a tree anymore; the residents decided to build things instead—and by chocobo, it only took, what, minutes?

"Well, kupo, chocobos have a different distance and time, as weird as it sounds, kupo."

"...different distance and time, huh?" I said, with a bit of a questioning tone. I guess I was sort of right after all.

"A kilometer for humans and others is only a few meters or so for a chocobo, or so what Choco tells me, kupo. Maybe he's just faster when you ride him, but it isn't obvious. No one knows exactly, kupo." Mene sat on Choco's neck, gripping tightly. I stared at the trees zipping by; I guess Mene did make sense.

"Hey Mene, Choco can fly, can't he?"

"Yeah, he can."

"Can he fly now?"

"He'd rather not." Mene sighed. "When you were gone, he had a bad experience with flying. Some kind of dragon managed to take hold of him, kupo. Since then, he prefers to run around, kupo." Mene stroked his feathers as he ran, revealing a scar on his neck. "It's what that horrible cat-dragon-rabbit thing did to Choco, kupo. He's very happy you killed that cat-dragon-rabbit thing and wants to make it up to you, kupo. I want to leave Choco with you, by the way. I can't protect him as well as you can, kupo, so I want to leave him with you. Is that alright, kupo?"

"Um, sure Mene, it's alright with me. But is it alright with you?" I asked, the wind pushing against my whole body. It was threatening to push me off, as well as Mene. I had to hold on to her or else she'd just fly off. I felt Mene sigh from behind. Those kinds of sighs that sort of tells you that the person is absolutely sure, although it was absolutely against her will.

"Yeah, kupo, I'm sure. After all..." She looked back and managed a smile. "A moogle can't do a really good job of keeping a chocobo safe."

"But...I don't understand Choco."

"Sure you can, it isn't all that hard, kupo." Mene looked at me, that kind of look that said she believed in me, even if it really was impossible for me to understand Choco. I gave Choco a look of uncertainty from behind.

"You have to understand what the chocobo wants first. Then soon, you'll start to understand _it_. Next thing you know, you'll be able to understand chocobo, kupo!" Mene smiled. "Zidane, Choco needs to be with you, okay? He can't keep staying with me—he gets into too much trouble, kupo. In fact, he had many more injuries whenever he left the forest without you to watch over him. Whenever I'm there, Choco can only run and I can only run _with _him, not hold the monster back while he runs away. I can't do much for Choco, kupo. I'm just sorry I didn't realize that sooner, kupo." Mene started sniffing and I could only pat her back. Choco came to a stop next to Lindblum.

"Kweehh..." he sighed, once me and Mene got off. I could vaguely see a tear in his eye.

"Choco, you really need to stay with Zidane, kupo. I can't keep protecting you the way I do, kupo. It gets your hurt in the end."

"K-kweh! Kweehh kweh. Kweh..." Choco started sniffing as well. "Kweh! Kweh kweh k-kweh kwee kweh! Kweeeehhh!" Choco seemed to protest, trying to hold back chocobo tears, however that worked. I haven't exactly seen animals cry before.

"Choco," Mene sighed. "You got so many wounds while you were with me. I don't want to see you get hurt even more; all I do is just tend to your wounds and follow you around a small forest you can't leave or else you'd get another wound, kupo."

"Kweh....k...kweh...!" Choco started crying, sitting down and looming over Mene as she started crying as well. "Kwwweeeehhh!" Choco flapped his wings as if it would take him somewhere, but obviously couldn't. He went back to his previous position and sniffed.

"Don't worry, Choco, I'll find some place to stay. I'll visit you a lot, too, kupo...!" Mene managed to say, rubbing her cheek with what I considered a paw or hand. "You just stay with Zidane and be a good chocobo. He'll take care of you. He'll take care of you and he won't be like your last master, kupo."

"Kweehh..." Choco looked at me and gave a desperate look. When he did, I could almost swear I heard someone say 'help me'. Choco sniffled and looked back at Mene, then I decided to protest, even if I saw Mene's point, in all honesty.

"Mene, you can't just leave Choco with me. Choco needs you, and Choco knows you need him. You both can't be torn apart—inseparable. You guys are the best of friends and...you can't just throw that away. Besides, I don't think they would allow Choco in there..."

Mene nodded and looked up at Choco. "Choco? Will you let me have another try at protecting you, kupo? I'll make sure I'll do my best, okay?" She smiled a little, even though she seemed unsure of what she was doing. I guess some part of her really didn't want to let go of Choco, even if it was for his safety. I guess it's an instinct to be a bit selfish.

Choco nodded, and I could almost see a smile on his beak. He jumped on his two feet and flapped his wings in happiness and looked at me with a thankful expression. He gave a happy kweh and continued flapping his wings again.

_Thank you!_

I just smiled and stupidly replied, not even knowing if I was just hearing things. "Don't mention it, Choco."

* * *

I may have not mentioned it, but I brought a cloak with me—a brown one. I was wearing it now to prevent me from being seen because I've seen Eiko roam around when Regent Cid and Lady Hilda were busy with other things. Often times, they would have a security breech just looking for Eiko. She really has a thief's potential.

As if on cue, I came across Eiko, who could tell my voice from a mile away. I stayed silent as she walked passed me, trotting in a cloak of her own, but her face wasn't covered properly. I gave a glance at her. I assumed she was seven plus now, if she was six flat when we met her. She had grown quite a bit, and she seemed as demanding as ever as she practically yelled at the man selling fruits for an apple. I didn't manage to see the whole scene because I was _this_ close to tripping over a rock and bumping someone. I didn't want to cause a scene.

I went straight to the aircab and hitched a ride going to the Theater District. The man beside me started talking to me out of nowhere. He said his name was Locke, and before I knew it, he started talking of how the Industrial District was still being rebuilt and was almost completely blocked off from the rest of Lindblum, even after almost a year. He said that there were a couple of accidents that keep happening in that district. Locke started criticizing the people in charge of rebuilding.

"But the Industrial District isn't _completely_ destroyed, is it?" I asked.

"Yeah, it isn't. The Regent said it's best they partially isolate the part that hasn't been repaired yet. He claims a lot of accidents happen because too many people linger around that area. _Nonsense _I say! It's because those workers are just too clumsy! Back in my days, being clumsy could get one killed! Why, I bet I could do a much finer job than those klutzes."

And just like that, he sparked an interesting fight as the aircab neared the station.

"Who are you calling a klutz, old man?" A worker demanded, standing from his seat, arms crossed. "It's not like _you _could do any better."

"On the contrary, I _can_, rude little boy. Back in my days, I was a great treasure hunter, part of a rebellion!"

"You must mean thief." The guy retorted.

"Now in the Theater District." The guy manning the aircab announced. "Is anyone getting off?"

I slowly raised my hand as the two started fighting, walking away from the two as fast and as silently as I could, or else they might drag me into it. A good thing was that they didn't, a bad thing was I actually started forgetting my way around Lindblum. I started walking, away from the station, looking left and right. I walked left, going down the stairs.

In a few minutes, I was in the Tantalus hideout. I knocked on the wood put against the wall and took a few steps in, not even bothering to wait to be noticed. The first one that looked at me was Blank, then Marcus, the Nero Brothers, Ruby and then Baku. It made me uncomfortable seeing everyone stare back at me, but I took my hood off and grinned.

"Hey guys!"

* * *

It's been a few weeks and the Tantalus group was about ready to go to Alexandria for Dagger's birthday, January 15. We were going to perform her favorite play, I Want To Be Your Canary. We went through our scripts because we wanted it to be absolutely perfect, since this was a dramatic reunion between me and Dagger. I want her to be surprised, like a birthday gift. The thought was nice, but I didn't know if it would work, I mean, isn't it the idea seems better in a thought, rather than when it's in action? Maybe not all the time, but you get what I mean.

Right now, we were halfway to Alexandria. My heart felt like it was racing with excitement, anxiety, nervousness...the feelings made my gut twist and made me jump a little. Admittedly, I've never felt like this in my entire life.

I could see the castle from afar. We were definitely nearing it and we would definitely have to perform as perfectly as possible.

"Well, the moment we land, the moment ya get out there and do your thing. Yer ready for this?" I heard Baku say. I turned around to face him, my back facing the window of my room. He continued before I could even reply. "When you step out there, you have two choices. One, you go with your plan and eventually become a king or at the very least a prince, leaving your old life behind. Two, you stick with your old life, sacrificing your love." Baku finished, staring out the window.

I took it as a sign to not look at Baku and face the window, watching everything go by. For a second, I wondered who was piloting, but I figured Blank took over. I sighed and stared at the floor.

"It's kinda hard to leave everything behind—even if it's for Dagger. It's just...I like life the way it is now, honestly. I just don't know how much it's gonna change when I begin living in the castle. I don't know how much my life is gonna change, how much I'm gonna miss my old life...and how much _I'm_ gonna change."

"Well, we can't be afraid of change. Change doesn't hurt, unless the person you like does. When you go out there, I just want you to make the right choice. I'm talking to you as the father who isn't the real father but raised someone since birth. Zidane, as a father, I know you can make the right choice. As your boss, I demand you give the best performance you've ever done because it's gonna be your last. Are we clear?" He gave a grin. But I knew he didn't exactly like the two choices I had.

I mirrored his grin. "Yeah...we're clear."

* * *

I was wearing that brown cloak I had, trying to look different. It was that part when Princess Cornelia didn't arrive at the dock and Cinna, who was acting as some guy, was telling me to leave without her. Now, I was just reciting everything like a pro, almost forgetting a few lines, but nevertheless, it was good. And in an instant, I remembered my old life, Tantalus, the fun we had, going around. My dream of seeing everything—reaching the sky. I remembered Dagger, how she cried when I was about to go to the Iifa Tree.

'_Promise me you'll come back._'

I pulled the cloak off with a great force and shouted as loud as I could, to Dagger, mostly.

"Bring my beloved Dagger to me!"

And I saw her face so clearly. She looked so worn out from what I thought were endless days and nights when she couldn't do her work or even sleep because she wasn't with me. Her face was filled with shock, she stood for about a minute and actually considered jumping off the ledge. Good thing she didn't. Almost as if she was frustrated with the ledge blocking her and me, she ran behind and that was the last I saw of her from up there.

It didn't take long for her to get to the stage, it was almost as if it took her only a few seconds to run down the stairs of the castle. Before I even knew it, she was running at me, her face stained with tears. She threw her crown to the ground and jumped at me, if not lunge. I brought her into a tight hug as she buried her head on my shoulder.

She gave me a really, really hard glare and looked like she was about to slap me but held back. I could only give one of those sheepish grins. Dagger just shook her head and hugged me again, then she started pounding my chest, but at least we were together. She let another sob and buried her face as she pounded. I just stroked her hair, knowing it would calm her down.

"How...how did you survive...?" She asked, above all the noise; the crowd cheering.

"I...had no choice. So...I sang your song. Our song."

Dagger raised her head, cheeks still wet from crying. She lowered her head again and pounded my chest again. "Why...did you make me wait...?" She muttered softly, but I heard even if the crowd was going wild. I caught a glimpse of everyone—Freya, Quina, Eiko, a ton of Vivis and even Amarant. Dagger tried to suppress a sob but couldn't.

"It's...a long story, Dagger."

"Do you have any idea what I've...?" She hiccuped. "I'm...so glad...!" Again, she buried her face on my chest. It made me feel like I was the luckiest thief in the world—I'm hugging a queen and she was burying her face on my chest. I felt lucky because someone so beautiful and pure loves me; someone who's not even the least bit innocent—then again, Freya says otherwise, and for her age, she's pretty wise.

"Come on Dagger, let's celebrate your birthday. I'm sorry I had to ruin your birthday-play. Ooh, I rhymed." I grinned. She raised her head again and gave a joyful smile, despite the tears streaming down her face. I wiped her tears off, but I noticed something about that smile...

She looked like she was relieved of such great burdens not caused by just me.

* * *

"So...that's why." Dagger muttered softly, her hands on her lap as she sat elegantly on an intricately designed chair made with what felt like white ivory. The cushions were faint, but dark red. The chair itself looked beautiful, so what more the whole castle? I could get used to living here.

"Yeah, it's pretty crazy." I admitted. "I don't know why it's hitting me harder than I expected it to."

The others were here too, actually; even Amarant—which is very unbelievable. Nevertheless, they were all in the room listening to my story. Or was. It kind of felt weird that they were all staring at me; it made me feel uneasy. I shifted in my seat a little. Dagger only nodded.

"Oh, Dagger? About you, um, refusing to be a queen...can I ask why you did that?" I asked in a small attempt to satisfy my curiosity and to change the subject. "It's just that I don't understand why you would. You didn't have to do so..."

She stayed silent a while, then she raised her head and gave a smile. "I was just so grief-stricken when you left. I had a hold of you, and you just slipped away." She stood up. "How would you think I'd feel? You're..." she put both her hands to her chest. "you're the only one in my heart and it's...well, distracting when you're not here. I don't know if you're safe or if..." she trailed. I smiled softly as everyone just watched and hugged her tightly.

"Don't worry Dagger, I'm here now. Everything will be alright and I'll never leave your side. Even if I'm torn in half, I'll make sure my upper half gets to you; if I have my arms ripped off, I'll make sure I can still walk so I can be by your side." I whispered. "Wait, that was a bit too morbid, wasn't it?"

"Yes." she giggled softly.

"Well, me happy you two happy!" Quina said with a little jump. "I go make good food for friends! I make sure I cook great food for occasion! I make sure it very exotic and very yummy food! It will have frog legs and frog meat!" S/he then went out of the door, going down the corridor to cook some, what Quina called, 'yummies'.

"Heh. What a happy ending. Whatever, I'm outta here." Amarant uncrossed his arms and was about to leave the room until I called.

"Hey, Amarant. You might as well stay for some of Quina's food. S/he will be pretty happy if you ate some of it." I said, smirking. Amarant seemed to shudder and kept silent. He turned to me with what looked like a frown—since his hair was so big—and crossed his arms again.

"Frog meat and legs? Pass." and he left without another word. And to think I thought he had a heart somewhere down there.

"Zidane!" Eiko called, her hands on her waist. "You better not do anything crazy, okay? We were all worried about you, seeing the Iifa Tree collapse and stab itself with...itself!" She jumped, as if in anger but I knew that she was just far, far too happy. "You...! You better not leave Dagger again! Or any of us!" She gave a supposed angry pout and stormed out, leaving me and everyone else behind.

Steiner saluted me. "Zidane, I believe you know that since the queen loves you, I must treat you with respect—like a prince, if not a king. If I were to not have reassess everything that had happened before I gained my respect for you, I would have detested my orders—and my duties. But now that I have seen you are deemed worthy for the Queen by not just me and our allies, but everyone else of Alexandria, how you are such a brave warrior...I do not regret anything. I humbly apologize for making such a speech and taking your time—I shall go now." He said, and he was about to clank off to go where everyone else went.

"Steiner, it's okay." I called. "I don't know why everyone's going all dramatic and everything, but...hey, you don't need to be so polite. To me, anyways. And you didn't take our time," I nodded. "We're friends, alright?" I said, tail swinging slightly. He hesitated but faced me and bowed. Then he left.

"Zidane, I shall see if everything is going alright there, okay? I'll be back." Dagger said, her voice nice and sweet. She gracefully went to the door and left, hurrying along. I turned to Freya, who was the one left with me in the room.

"Well, well." Freya shook her head. "I guess I won't be seeing you in a while, then. I assure you that you won't miss anyone—Garnet is most likely going to keep you busy with being a king; something I would have never guessed you to be one day. There were two choices you had when you were on that stage, as you obviously know. One that leads you to a grand life, the other leads you to go back to your normal life—everything before you met Garnet. I just want to know if you really think that it's necessary for you to pick only one choice?"

"What are you saying?" I asked, tilting my head slightly.

"I'm saying," Freya said, her hand adjusting her hat a little. "in life, sometimes the two choices you face with can be merged. It's not entirely impossible for you to have Garnet and be a thief at the same time—the only problem is how people accept you. For you, that must not really matter, does it?" She smirked, looking straight at me.

"Well, I guess it kind of does. It affects Dagger. Besides, I can't just refuse the crown if I marry Dagger, can I?"

"Not quite; I believe there is a loophole. I've known the laws of Alexandria for some time now, and it is even in this book"—she pulled out a book from one of Dagger's shelves—"right here. Page 24, Section 5, Paragraph 3. It states that a royal figure is allowed not to take the throne so long as someone can fill in and-or another royal figure, such as a queen, is already ruling the kingdom." Freya looked back up at me.

"Wow. Well, I guess I didn't have that much of a choice after all." I muttered.

"It really is up to you, Zidane. I can read you better than anyone else just as you can read me better than anyone else. We've been friends for so long, and that is enough for me to be familiar with the way you think, the way you act. You really aren't that hard to understand—given if one has have the right clues, the right thoughts. Capriciousness may be your specialty, but you always have a pattern."

I arched a brow. "What are you trying to say, Freya? You've always been quite mysterious with things."

"I'm simply saying that you really don't know the answer to your questions. Such as this—wanting to be a king or not, or perhaps both ways? Tell me—can you look deep within yourself and choose an answer?" She smirked, turning a bit away from me, both eyes closed. "I don't think so."

I fell silent.

She looked at me with one eye. "Where am I going with this, I'm sure you're wondering? I'm simply saying think over everything—and I mean everything. All your actions, all your decisions...think about them. Or to put it bluntly, maybe what you think wasn't there was."

"Freya, if this is—"

"Yes, it's about Kuja." She smirked. "See? I can read you like a book. Nevertheless, Zidane..." she gave a dramatic pause, reaching for the knob. "Some of the most important questions you had were answered by other people—it's time you found out if Kuja was there or not. I honestly think he was."

And she left, leaving me alone in a room to ponder what she said.

When I reached the dining hall for lunch, I immediately got distracted because I saw a dark swirl of something from the corner of my eye, somewhere in the dark part of the castle. When I turned, it was gone, so I figured it was my imagination. That didn't bother me much, but I was surprised to still see Amarant around.


	11. The Last Scene

-What do you know, it's passed 10 chapters! Okay guys, this is it. The last chapter! Are you excited? Are you nervous? I don't think so! Well, I really wish there was a good background music for this, but there isn't...-frowns- Well, I'm keeping you so...go on! Enjoy the last chapter for this story! Hooray for sucky endings xD Bonus chapter plausible.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Final Fantasy IX, if I did, I would...I don't know anymore ._.

* * *

I've been pondering over what Freya said. It's been keeping me up every night, but not as bad as I kept myself up trying to keep something I wasn't sure was there safe. I just fall asleep later than I should, Dagger in my arms, her sleeping peacefully. It's something that calms me down inside, and eventually, I fall asleep as well. But tonight...tonight was different. I wasn't the one keeping myself from falling into peaceful slumber. I just knew it wasn't. It was like...something else was.

I just decided to leave my eyes open, staring down at Dagger's face. She was so beautiful, especially in sleep. I could almost feel myself turn to jelly around her. Normally, I would be going crazy, trying to get her to date me, but I don't have to because I already had her...and that made me happy.

She was curled up, sleeping against my chest. I had my arms wrapped around her because she looked so unprotected. She looked so worn out and so weak, I feel like I have to hug her all the time, just to make her and me feel that she's properly protected—not that I'm saying she needs to be protected more than she already is.

I smiled softly to myself because everything was going well. Everything. I was just about to fall asleep when I saw a faint light cross the room, just across the bed me and Dagger slept in. I tried to raise my head without moving my arms so much so I wouldn't wake up Dagger. I raised my head as high as I can to get a clear view on the light, but all I saw was a figure of a man. I couldn't see much after knowing that. I tried slipping my arm from under Dagger, so I could surprise the man. He hadn't noticed me yet, so I must be fine.

It took a few seconds, but I managed to get my arm away from under Dagger. She didn't even notice. Smiling a little, I grabbed my daggers which were on the bedside table. The light was so faint, yet so white, I couldn't see the figure properly. It was almost as if the figure itself was made of light. When I finally focused, the figure stopped and just stared out the window. He had very, very big, white wings. A few feathers fell to the floor. I stared at his wings too long, because the figure turned around.

I dropped my daggers.

"K...Kuja...?"

He tilted his head, like he didn't understand me. He just stayed where he was, staring at me curiously and almost worriedly. I couldn't believe it. It was so surreal that it must have been. Baku and the others told me it was all in my imagination, but Freya was thinking otherwise. I didn't know who to believe. Then what Freya told me rang in my head. I should start finding the answers on my own.

"Kuja..." I held my hand out, seeing if he'd take it. He slowly brought up his fingers and touched mine. He actually looked like a child. His face looked so innocent, so childlike, it almost freaked me out, but I knew better. I just focused on what I felt—his hands. They were touching mine. It seemed real. I brought my hand down and he brought his down as well. He tilted his head slightly. It was like he didn't want to talk or he was rendered mute.

"Can you...talk?" I asked, taking a step forward. He stayed put and looked down, like he was saddened or ashamed of himself. I smiled softly. "It's okay if you can't...I guess I can do all the talking. It's what you say I'm good at, anyway." I laughed a little. He just looked at me.

"You know...everyone back at Tantalus says you're not real. Hell, my friends think you aren't either. Except maybe Freya. She...she told me there's a possibility you were real, but, I wasn't so sure. It's kept me up late at night and now, here you are. Right in front of me. And...I still don't know what to think. You at the very least _feel_ real. I don't know if that's enough to answer me. I don't think it is." I looked down.

"...I had a whole speech for you. I did. I wanted to tell you on the last minute, so...I don't know. So you'd pass away happy. When you disappeared, I had no idea what to do. The whole speech I made was useless. But now that you're here, it's like I can't remember it anymore. I had so much things to tell you, and now I can't even remember one of those things. I'll try though." I managed a small smile. "I don't know if you're real or if you're just some figment of my imagination, but if you are...I just wanted you to know that in those eleven months, you've been the best brother I could wish for. If only you've been there since I was brought to life, maybe if you didn't just throw me to Gaia but yourself as well—maybe we'd be happier."

I paused a while to look at him. Kuja was definitely listening. He nodded his head while I said the first part, now he looked at me, as if telling me to go on. I didn't need to be told anyway. I just continued. "I liked your cooking, if it was real and if all those things we did were too, I'd be happy. I wouldn't regret anything, then. I regret having made Dagger wait and all, but I'm happy that I have those memories to cling to. Even if they are just fictional, they make me happy like real memories do. Get it, Kuja? You made me happy." I said, my eyes going blurry. "It's what I said you could do. What you should when I saved you."

He smiled a little and nodded. I didn't wait for him to stare at me again, urging me to continue. I just kept going. "I don't know if the others forgive you even if you sorta did save us, but I do. Maybe not entirely because what you did really is sort of unforgivable in nature, but I do. A little at the very least. You did something good, aside from making just me happy. You gave the other genomes hope, too. You weren't able to make a lot of people happy, but at least you did something, right?"

"Truth is, Kuja. I never had a proper childhood. I was forced to work by Boss. I mean, sure, he raised me to be helpful and moral. He taught me how to defend myself and all, but I never could play with kids other than my Tantalus brothers who were much older than me. I couldn't play with toys or just run around laughing like an idiot. I could never teach someone to do that because I've never learned to. But by you treating me like a child because you really do have a right, you taught me to be the little brother I couldn't be ten years back. And...thanks, Kuja. A lot..." I said, my voice growing weaker, my eyes going blurry. He walked forward and wiped the stray tear with his sleeves. For the first time in this conversation, he muttered something.

"Always...you're always so....childish." He smiled, still wiping my eyes with his sleeve. I only stood still staring at him, then I pulled away, being a man again. He shook his head slightly, his arm retreating. His voice sounded like it hadn't been used in ages. It was dry and raspy...but it was Kuja. Sadly that was all he said.

"For my age, yeah..." I muttered softly, staring at the ground. I could still see Kuja—or at least his faint light. He began to move passed me as I raised my head. He was going for the door, not the window. Maybe his wings were just for show. I followed after him but he stopped and turned around, smiling faintly. His image actually flickered.

He mouthed something, like he couldn't speak anymore. He looked like he was saying "ot low e".

_Don't follow me_.

Kuja brought his finger up to my forehead and poked it with a small force. I withdrew my head a bit too late and shot back. "I want to follow you...!" I protested childishly. He only shook his head and turned around for the door, about to turn the knob until I reached for his arm, but missed. He dodged just as he swung the door open and took hold of the knob on the outer side of the door. He mouthed something I didn't catch, and then brought the door to a halfway-close, covering half his face. He mouthed something again. I caught it this time.

_Goodbye_

"No! I don't want goodbyes." I said, my voice loud but it grew softer. He smiled sadly and closed the door. I reached for the knob, twisted it and swung the door open, about to have a chase with Kuja down the corridor, most likely yelling 'stop'. But I couldn't do that. He wasn't there anymore.

* * *

"Zidane...why do you look so tired?" Dagger asked curiously, staring at me quite intently as I was forced to read one of the books in the Alexandrian library. I had kept yawning for the past hour and Dagger seemed to be going crazy from it. Doctor Tot was looking through the books so he could find something else for me when I was done reading this. When I was little and I had spare time, I grew used to not playing with kids and I didn't fancy doing so, so I just read and reread a few books. But I wasn't exactly a fast reader. It can take me ages finishing a book—especially if I get bored with it.

I snapped back to reality and raised my head. "Ah, it's a...crazy story. In fact, I don't think you'd believe me. And I'm shy to say...especially with..." I looked at Doctor Tot and he turned around as if on cue. I grinned sheepishly.

"Oh, oh! Terribly sorry. I'll leave for a while then..." he said, proceeding to trot up the stairs. When he left, I turned to Dagger.

"Ah...eto...Freya told me that when she heard every detail I could remember from the eleven months, she said that I have to find the answer on my own. The answer to the question if Kuja was real or not...so, I was up last night thinking when I suddenly saw this faint light. When I got out of bed to see, it was Kuja. I talked to him, without him even replying, and when I was done talking, he went out the door and disappeared. I know it's crazy, but it kept me up for a few hours."

"Well, what did you tell him?" She asked. I think she was analyzing the situation, if it was a situation.

"Brotherly stuff that makes me lose my manliness." I scratched my head, turning slightly away from her and whistling. Like all people do. "You wouldn't want that, would you?"

She giggled softly. "Nah, I wouldn't. I'll go call Doctor Tot to resume his business here." She said, bowing a little for whatever reason, I don't know. She walked up the stairs as gracefully as she could since she lost her balance a little every now and then. It was like she refused she was tired herself. Then I remembered that swirl of black smoke I saw the other day. Maybe it wasn't my imagination. Well, I better ask her before I make myself look crazy again some other time.

"Hey, Dagger?" I called as she went up the flight of stairs. "I saw a black whirl of smoke the other day, you know anything about it, or is it just me again?" She froze on the steps. She turned to me and gave a slight smile.

"It must be just you, Zidane." And she immediately turned away and head for the door.

As I watched her leave to call Doctor Tot, out of politeness, I couldn't help but wonder. Dagger's been acting really weird. She seemed agitated and secretive. I didn't really want to tell her that, but I felt bad cause it's almost as if she has an impression that she can't trust me. What did I do wrong, if then?

* * *

No one has ever buried Kuja. His body is still in there; if what I saw that night wasn't real. It seemed off, didn't it? It's almost hard to believe everything. No genome, Black Mage or human would bury him, so I was pretty sure his body would be there, quite decayed. Besides, it's not like the Iifa Tree was still alive. I wouldn't die or anything, nor would I take too long. Dagger can handle that, right?

"Dagger?" I called. It was winter going spring, but around here, we still considered the latter part of winter, spring. The window was open and I was finally getting used to royalty. Dagger has started calming down a little. She started telling me almost every detail of...everything. The wind, accompanied by the scent of spring time flowers, blew against her face, her hair waving. She looked lost in thought again, but she always has the whole time we were together. I called her again.

"Oh, Zidane." She smiled, turning to me like she just snapped back to reality. "You don't have to call me 'Dagger'. You can just call me Garnet. Anyways, what is it?" Her voice as sweet, upbeat and assuring as ever. Her smile was so rare that every time I see it, I feel like thanking the gods. But that aside, I told her of the idea I had. The moment her ears caught the words 'bury', 'Kuja' and 'Iifa Tree', she frowned deeply and looked away, clenching her fists. I gave a worried look.

"F...Fine." She gave a small smile an nodded. I just had a hunch she didn't like my decision. But I had to do it. I mirrored her expression and walked up to her, kissing her forehead lightly. She tried to get away, but it always failed.

"I won't take long. Just a few days maybe, but that's all." I said softly, but loud enough for her to hear properly.

"Please be back. Please be back before I know it." Dagger—I mean, Ganet muttered, pausing a little. "I don't want to lose you, okay? I need you here, and this kingdom...well, it needs you too. Don't get hurt, and be careful." She lowered her head. I could only give a reassuring smile I knew she barely saw.

"The Hilda Garde 2, it's modified, right?"

"Hm, yes."

"Can I borrow it?"

"Zidane." She called, as if ignoring my question. She still looked away from me, like it was painful to see me go. I'm sorry, Garnet. It probably is. She continued. "Whatever you do...don't...don't fall to darkness. Please, you can't, okay? Ever." She shook her head, laughing a little at herself. "Oh, straying from the subject. Of course you can."

She is hiding something. I just know it.

* * *

I wasn't piloting the Hilda Garde 2, so I had time to watch Garnet watch me take off, waving and screaming farewells. Grins both on our faces, I assume everything won't be so bad. When she was out of sight, I began staring at the sky. It was so big, it was so beautiful, the clouds slowly crossing the sky. What amazed me so much was that the sky was those types of things wherein you can clearly see the color, but at the same time, you see right through it. I don't know exactly how you describe such a thing, but it warms my heart to see that the sky was clear and being in a castle wasn't really stopping me.

I really could spend all day staring at the clouds, lying down on the floor as I watched the colors change—blue, then later orange, then dark blue. It was night, and I had to head back to sleep. I didn't like sleeping in a far too fancy room, so I settled with the normal one. I gave the fancy one to one of the two pilots. Yes, there were two because they switch. Night shift and day shift. As I headed back, the stars were clear. I couldn't help but stare as I walked.

Funny, it was at a night like this when I saw Kuja. It won't take long before I see him again. It was just a bit of a pity that the next time I'd see him, he'd probably look more dead than ever. Don't get me wrong, I still feel guilty about it, but I had to move on. I couldn't stay moping around something that's been done. I remember this spiky haired guy who was just like that. He always said that he wanted to be forgiven. For whatever cause, I think he's forgiven. I hope Kuja forgives me. It would be nice to know if I was—at least a sign.

As if on cue, a star twinkled brightly. It caught my eye and I stared at it, deciding it would be nice to fall asleep staring at it.

* * *

It always took a few days to go to the Outer Continent. Around five depending on the ship. I was glad time flew by fast because I was growing impatient. All I could do was sit and watch the sky. I never get enough of the sky, but I get enough of doing nothing. It was already the fifth day and I could see the Iifa Tree poking just above the mountains. We drew nearer and nearer until the tree looked like a gigantic tower looming over the ship. We landed beside the tree, near the cliff where the ground caved in for the tree to set its roots on. Kuja was in the center of the Iifa Tree, making things all harder since the Tree wasn't alive.

"Guys, just stay in here, okay? While I'm in there doing crazy things, which you shouldn't worry about, keep yourselves comfy and avoid battles with monsters. I could take a while." I said as loud as I could, walking to the exit. I took hold of my daggers, in case by some crazy luck, Mist monsters were still in there.

When I got off the ship, I was instantly hit by memories. The first one was when I looked upon it, calling it 'Sanctuary' because the little people of Conde Petie said it was. Then there was that thing we fought in its core, I think. The next was when Eiko told Vivi that he should never lie to himself, the other was when we saw Queen Brahne die. The last was when I came back to save Kuja. I never did do that last one. I guess what matters is that I wanted to, and I tried my best. Risking my life and all that. As I took another step, the feeling I had when I rushed in here came back. They sent a chill up my spine. I was jumping here and there, it was crazy. I couldn't do that now, forcing me to grab some Gargant Grass. That gave off some memories, but I don't want to list them.

I wondered how I could even attract a Gargant here, so I just walked further into the Iifa Tree, balancing on one of its roots and kept waving the Gargant Grass around. I felt like an idiot, but after some time, I heard a Gargant coming closer, to my relief. It was blue, like the one's in Fossil Roo. It was bigger than most, but it was relatively the same as any other Gargant I came across. As it came closer, I gave it the grass and jumped on its back, hanging for my life. If I let go, I would suffer from massive brain damage if I was even able to survive a fall like that.

It was hard controlling the Gargant because there was no source of water anywhere in the Iifa, so I had to settle with forcing it to steer. With some time, I ended up at the foot of the elevated-platform where Kuja was. I couldn't get on the platform from above because the Gargant was just really hard to steer. After a long time, climbing on my own seemed like the best idea that ever came to me.

I jumped off the Gargant and it ran off to do its own business. I wondered for a while how I would get back, but I figured climbing around would be enough to get me back. I looked back to the platform way above my head. It had vines and roots wrapped around it. The platform was almost destroyed last time we were in here. Even I don't know how things unfolded here, but I remember carrying Kuja as I dodged some roots until it eventually killed itself. I set him on the very same platform. Thing was that he had very little space there.

"Well, here I go." I shrugged, my hand grabbing something to pull me up. It looked like more roots and tendrils intertwined. It didn't matter to me, so long as I get to the top. The good thing about it being roots, though, was that I wouldn't have to worry about anything breaking off, making me fall down. My mind was getting lost in thoughts to the point that I hadn't noticed I was almost there. I hadn't kept track of my pace and it was almost as if the more I got lost in thoughts, the more faster I became. I sighed. It wasn't that late was it?

I looked back down to see how high I was from the ground. I was pretty high. I looked back up to calculate just how much more I had to climb before reaching the platform. Around a few more pulls up. This was going well, it's just too bad my stomach started growling. Ugh, I hate it when I'm hungry.

Thoughts aside, I climbed further, my hands and arms tired of climbing now that I payed attention to them, threatening to let go. My feet were getting clumsy and started slipping more than they should. I reached for the next root and brought myself up. I was so close, I could almost smell Kuja. Which is really bad, honestly.

I managed to pull myself up to the point that one more pull and I'd be on the platform. I inwardly prepared myself for seeing Kuja. His body decayed and everything. It won't be a pretty sight, but I feel like I have to, just like everything else. Then what Amarant said came around, 'I don't understand you'. Don't worry, Amarant, I don't understand myself that much either. I only act on impulse and I find some reason to make it seem right, just because my heart says so without a reason. That much I can get.

I put my left onto the platform and brought myself up with a groan. My arms were tired hanging on to things, that Gargant was a pain too. I still managed though, and that was enough to bring me to the platform. It was considerably small, just enough space for Kuja lying down and me standing. There were even more vines and roots circling the platform, like it was protecting something but didn't do it quite right. Anyone could easily get on from above, and if he or she pushed the roots away. It was strange though, it was like the roots were crystallized.

I approached slowly, but as I got there, I could only widen my eyes in shock and back away, nearly falling off. I was freaked out, yet I could only stand there. For sure I wasn't imagining things. I was sure. I've been treated from it, yet, what I saw didn't make sense. No one buried him, no one would burn him, no one would even walk all this way for him, except maybe me. But I couldn't bury or cremate him now, and my walk here was useless.

I decided to regain my composure and go back to the airship. I just didn't know how I could tell Dagger Kuja's body wasn't there anymore.


	12. Bonus: A Hard Choice

-I just realized I never put in a "The End", so I guess nobody knows if the story is done or not. Just for the hell of it, I decided to write another chapter because well, yeah, and...yeah...plus I've been getting into Vocaloid (VOCALOID! LOL) and I need my FFIX spirit back before I fill my sketch book with Hatsune Miku and-or Megurine Luka...or Len...or Rin...or Meiko...GAH!

A short chapter, since this is a bonus kind~

**Disclaimer:** I do not own FFIX! If I did, Luka would be in it...oh darn it.

* * *

All was well in Alexandria. It's been four, happy years with Garnet. We haven't had a child, but all is good anyway. Whenever Garnet is reminded of the fact we haven't had a child to take on the throne, she would just smile and say 'take it slow'. I agree with her. Taking things to fast is, well...yeah.

I just stared out the window. I never forgot Kuja. I never will. Sure, maybe once or twice, he'd slip out of my mind for a whole day or two, but I never will forget him. He's a big part of my life. He's important to me, but I can't get how his body wouldn't be there. For a while, I've been having this strange feeling that he's watching me, or at the very least, something is. It isn't freaking me out as much, it just soothes me. Like when I'm stressed, I just sit by the window and I feel a warm comforting draft that calms me.

I sat by the window again. It was early in the morning. So early, even Garnet hasn't gotten up. That, or she was just tired from the hectic day yesterday. I was wide awake, watching Alexandria awaken bit by bit. Each street started filling with people, little by little. I watched as the guards began making their rounds around the castle and through the streets. It was a new rule that guards would patrol around Alexandria. We had enough soldiers to spare for the task.

Little by little, my mind shifted to Alexandria; how to make it much like Lindblum, how to protect it better, how to enhance everything. I felt a frown creeping on my face as my thoughts brought up an idea, but dismissed it as useless, pointless, impossible. I kept staring at the Mist-less skies of above. Heaven wasn't there to comfort me anymore. I'm a king, a king who needs to be strong for his nation, just like the queen should be.

I rarely get visits from Tantalus now, since I'm busy everyday, every time, every hour. It was always hectic or relaxed, yet when I'm 'relaxed', I can't be disturbed. When Freya told me I didn't have to be king, I figured Garnet still needed me, so I became king for her. We were happy, but...I still miss my old life. I was...free. Alive.

_Is that what you want...?_

Yes...

I want to be free. I want to be a bird with no limits. I want to roam this planet and explore. Get dirty and messy. Get my hands on rare jewels across the sea with my chocobo. I want to bathe in fresh lake water only to get dirty again with the blood of monsters, the fur and dirt of animals I pet and raw soil all over my clothes...though, it isn't what I exactly want, but...you get me.

I don't care who the voice belonged to, but I pray that I can at least be like that. Just for one day.

"One day..." I mumbled softly.

"One day...?"

"Huh?" I turned around and saw Garnet behind me in her night gown. She still looked pretty no matter what. I just began to notice she was a little less...merciful. I mean, it kind of shows sometimes. When she's pissed off at a noble, she would have that really hard look on her face, her eyes going almost near emotionless. It freaked me.

"One day...then?"

"Oh...well, one day..." I trailed. I couldn't tell her I want to be free from duties and everything. I just made something up instead, yet, it was half true. "Alexandria would be just like Lindblum..." I grinned at her. "Maybe even more advanced, but who knows, yes?"

She smiled back. "Of course. Together, we'll make it happen, okay?"

"But...we'll need a successor for that, wouldn't we?" I faced the window again, the sky bright. She fell silent and hugged me from behind, tightly. "'Take it slow', I know, by the way. It's just...we don't have one. And it's been four years. Four..." I mumbled.

"I was afraid he was right..." She mumbled softly.

"What?"

"Ah..." She let go of me, making me turn to her. "I...when you were gone, someone's been taunting me for fun, much like Kuja to my mother. He taunted me of giving in to darkness so I can have the power to look for you and bring you back, may it be by force or not. That is all. Yet, he spoke of the truth to some extent. That is why a swirl of black smoke has been around in the castle before. It was him. He told me the last time that...we really need a successor, and at this rate, nothing will happen. Time flies by fast, and that's what I'm quite worried about." She looked down.

"Oh..." I pat her shoulder lightly. "No wonder you..." I shook my head and gave her a hug. "Don't worry, things will all be well. For today, we must only worry of the present, okay? It's what matters as of now." I gave an encouraging smile. She gave a sidewards one as a reply of appreciation.

"Of course."

* * *

I was by the window while Garnet was doing her own duties. Again, I was slacking off on my duties. The warm draft came by again, may it be coincidence or something else. I saw a small dove land by my elbow as it relaxed on the windowsill. Almost unconsciously, I put my pointer near it, thinking it would hop on, which it did. It was light and brave. It did not fly away as I brought it up to my face, its beady eyes staring back at me. I smiled softly as it tilted its head and flapped its wings. A free bird.

"_You always have choices. As the problem becomes more complicated, the more you have. Even if you say you don't, you do. You just don't see it."_

I have two choices—I set this bird free, or I trap in a cage. It stared at me just as I stared at it. A moment of almost absolute silence took over the room, the wind gently blowing against my face and the curtains. I could just trap the bird now and keep it in a cage, give it to Garnet as a lovely gift for just being nice and sweet or...

"Little birds shouldn't be trapped like me. Go now..." I said, slightly smiling sadly. It stayed still. "Come on, rise high. Just feel...alive." And I raised my arm as high as it could go, the bird flying just as my arm reached the peak. After that, the bird disappeared into the sky, somewhere I would want to be.

"Zidane?" Garnet called, opening the door as she did. "Zidane, the nobles want to see you. Five of them. You must hurry, please, they are getting quite impatient." She sighed heavily. She didn't like nobles as much as they love themselves. They're such airheads, they pissed me off every time. As a king, though, I have to bear with such things.

"_Rise high...just feel alive. Okay, Zidane?"_

I looked to the sky again from the window. Garnet seemed to have left while she distracted the nobles, so they wouldn't notice how long I took. I sighed sadly, the normal flock of doves flying by, as if mocking me that I had no freedom. I had freedom, but not the same as they do. It saddened me a little.

"Kuja...no matter how high I go...I'll always fall down because...I choose to be." I said softly.

And I never saw a dove pass by since then.

-The End-


	13. Bonus II: The Darkness of Garnet

**Disclaimer:** Final Fantasy IX © Square Enix.

Special thanks to Yvi-sama for suddenly hitting me with the "there are still so many questions!" stick. -nods-

Yes, if you're still subscribed, yes. Another chapter. It's another bonus for the sake of hearing Garnet's side. I don't really want to add onto this, nor would I want to edit it. It's fine the way it is, I hope?

* * *

I was just sitting on my chair by a fire, legs crossed as my sword lay on my lap, being cleaned.

Zidane doesn't know of this sword, and I'd want it to stay that way. I don't want him to question why I was cleaning it, but it's not like he's going to pop out of the blue. He ran away from me, leaving me with such questions I can't bear. The cloth was turning red—blood red. Using 'blood' to describe how red it was must be considered redundancy, since it was in fact blood that stained this sword. I didn't kill someone, I just hurt him badly. He deserved it. He really did.

I stared at the fire, smoking from its place. It had about one log left; just enough for me. I was going to stay here until late evening, drowning myself in thoughts. _He_ was going to come back, and I don't want him to appear in my sleep. It's not that he tries to touch me in any way, it's just that I'd rather face the darkness awake. I'm not saying that darkness represents him, he _is_ darkness. That's why I couldn't understand why he appeared to me, of all people. But maybe, it's better me than someone else.

There were two sides in me; one was saying I was free to sleep, the other screamed that I shouldn't, just to make sure. My 'good' side would counter 'just to make sure of what?' and my other side would just stay silent, still wanting to stay on this chair. Without a decision being made, I sit there, still blankly staring at the flames as it cackled softly just a bit far away from my feet. About a foot away.

I stared at my sword, its intricate designs of vines lining the middle while the steel shined faintly from the fire. The handle was dark blue, a red orb on top of the handle, just below the start of the blade. The orb had a wing in each side, both feathered ones. I never knew I would wield a sword one day, or just use for just one night, but here I am with one, holding it on my lap as I wiped the last smudge of blood off. I felt bad beyond all reason, even if he deserved it.

"I'll be better in the morning." I said quietly, setting the sword down. I felt a draft, just as I stood up from my chair. Strange, I don't remember opening my window. The cold, chilly air was comforting; it's what I've been getting anyway; cold comfort. This was normal for me. The fire went out just as his voice came:

"**I see you're still up, Princess.**"

"I am not a princess. I am a Queen." I turned my head to him, sitting by my bed. "Learn to remember that." I said coldly, my eyes shooting daggers towards him. If I had Zidane's daggers, I probably would have flung them at him as well, just to let him know how much I loathe him. It was like he read my thoughts, since he just sneered in reply.

"**I really rather not. I know too much to even bother with such useless titles.**" He gave a smirk. "**I'd really like to see you force me to remember that. I doubt you'd win anyway.**" He stood up, trails of dark smoke followed behind him, slowly fading. "**To be honest, I've never noticed how beautiful your room is, Princess. And by the way...**" He showed me his arm. "**that sword of yours did nothing to me. Don't get cocky. Princesses shouldn't be cocky.**"

"Queen." I corrected. "and I'm not cocky." I crossed my arms, looking slightly away, but I could still see his dark mass. I frowned just as he got on all fours, walking slowly towards me. His eyes glowed red; piercing red. His eyes contrasted from the whole room, given the room was only lit by moonlight.

"**You really miss your hero, don't you, Princess? I bet he misses you, but then again, he ran away from you like you betrayed him. Maybe you did, maybe you didn't. It really is up to you, Princess. Did you betray him, or did you not?**"

"What are you babbling about? Such nonsense! Of _course_ I didn't betray him. I never will."

"**Then why has he ran away? I'm sure you must have said **_**something**_** to make him run like that. Maybe it's your face? No, you're pretty like a flower. I just hope you won't be like the other flowers that get crushed.**" He chuckled darkly. "**Maybe you were just a pawn to him? I find it likely. Who **_**knows**_** how many girls he's tricked into loving him. Oh, he is such the actor. He can act out of **_**any**_** situation. Maybe this is no exception, Princess. What do you feel, knowing that?**"

"As long as it comes from you, nothing. I know they're all lies. You can't fool me." I retorted.

"**Oh no, Princess. You know what I'm saying is true, if you don't want the word 'plausible'. You know that well. Don't even **_**try**_** to tell me otherwise. I know you better than you think, Princess.**" He stood up on his two legs, his wolf face closing in on mine. I could hear him growl softly under his voice as he flashed his crooked fangs. He was just a dark mass, so I smelled nothing. I grit my teeth, angered by his words. I hated him for all he was worth.

"I know they...they are plausible." I hugged myself, feeling I was the only one who understood me. It was the best comfort I've felt for a while—my own arms wrapped around me in insecurity and as an attempt to ease my emotional pain. "I just don't want to think about it." I admitted softly.

"**You have to, Princess. You have to consider all the possibilities. There are so many, yet...it somehow boils down to two things, does it not? I don't see why it shouldn't, really. Life is about choices.**" He sneered again, showing of his menacing, crooked teeth that's bitten heaven knows what. And how many he's bitten. I shivered at the thought. Just as I dismissed the thought, he turned to look out the window in his wolf-like form. "**I am one of those big choices. Will you choose the light or...the **_**darkness**_**? I am the shadows painted opposite of light. All light casts a shadow, poetically resembling each human heart. Each heart that is human-like. The heart...the soul...I wonder if there's a difference.**"

"Of course there's a difference. The heart is what you feel with, the soul..." I trailed, seeing how he was somewhat right. The soul...what was it? What made it so different from the heart? The heart...it's what we feel with. But genomes have hearts...why can't they feel? They don't have a soul, and that supposedly explains why they can't feel. If I had no heart, I wouldn't feel as well. But...

"**Do you not see the difference? Hm...do you need an answer?**" He continued staring out the window. "**It's probably something that shall get you thinking beyond all reason, Princess. Or, do you prefer...**_**Dagger**_**?**"

I balled my fists, once I let go of myself. "Do _not_ call me by that name!"

"**I did wonder why you always thought you had such power over me. I'm one of the gods, Princess. At least, as brief as I could call myself aside from my name, Darkness. When has a petty queen have control over a superior being, I wonder? I could always talk to Time and ask **_**him**_**. He's just not as entertaining as you. So feisty, so authoritative yet kind and considerate to her people. I don't need your kindness. I don't need anything from you, really. But being Darkness, I enjoy torment. You seem to be entertaining. More than the rest.**" He turned to me, eyes blood red, yet bright. "**Your pain I enjoy quite deeply. The situation...such uncertainty. It makes it easier and less tiring for me to manipulate. But don't get me wrong, Princess. I only use the truths, or plausible things.**"

I fell silent, turning my back to him. "Then...what's the answer? About the heart and soul." I hugged myself again, unsure of how he was going to use the answer to give me one more thing to painfully think about. I had so much thoughts, so much possibilities that...it hurt to think. It hurt to feel.

"**There really is not much of a difference. The soul, if missing, one cannot feel. The heart, if missing, one also cannot feel. The genomes, for example. They have a heart, but no soul. The heart can learn, the soul cannot, since souls are recycled. That's why memories are always connected, because of the soul alone. The heart...the heart is what makes things special. The heart is a representation of each individual that is and was. With each heart, each soul and each memory planted into one, you get the whole history of the world in a man. Assuming, he can remember all that was planted into his memory.**"

I stayed silent.

"**The relation of this to Zidane, your love? Hah...hardly anything, really.**" He showed his teeth again, walking back to where he was at the start; beside my bed. He morphed to his human-like form just as he walked, not really making it noticeable since he was surrounded in his own swirls of dark smoke. "**I don't know, but...have you ever considered something a bit more worse than misunderstanding? The soul moves on, the heart clings to the soul, the memories cling to the heart. They all go, but they will always be remembered, forming new memories. Are you ready to turn him to a memory, if ever? I hope so, Princess.**"

I cringed at the thought.

"Zidane is too strong, too stubborn to die!" I barked, not looking at him. "I don't mean an offense...but..." I grit my teeth, finding some respect for the guy. Forced respect. "Zidane is a strong man. He doesn't know how many times he's saved me. He can't die. He won't be a memory. Not now."

"**Innocence. Naivety. Heh, consider it, Princess. Consider it.**"

"No! I will never"—but he was gone before I could finish. Just like that, he disappeared, leaving nothing in his place. It was good to not see any remainders of him, but that must mean he's not done with me. He never is. He'll come back tomorrow, won't he? Maybe not.

I walked to the window and stared to the sky, dark with diamonds decorating every inch. It gave me a bit hope, over all the pessimism suddenly forced upon me. I wrapped my arms around themselves, tightly gripping just above my elbows, feeling a stray tear fall, trailing from my cheek down to my chin. I would know better than to believe a lie, much less a whole speech without a single word of truth, considering my past experiences. But the thing about—dare I say it—Darkness, is that he doesn't manipulate with lies...he manipulates with possibilities. He's right. He uses my uncertainty as torment...and the only thing that can help me now is if Zidane comes back.

"Zidane...where are you?"

Then it hit me—if the people would forgive me for being slightly selfish, but...I need to get his attention with something big, if he's out there.

"'I will stop ruling Alexandria until my love returns'. That sounds like something that would get his attention, wouldn't it?" I mused to myself. Heavens, what am I doing? I'm lying, I'm deceiving. Like Darkness, yet...not like Darkness.

"_**All light casts a shadow, poetically resembling each human heart.**__"_ He had just said.

Desperate, I planned to do so, settling in my bed, the feeling of the sheets making me feel at ease. If nothing happens then, that must mean something. I'll only know when tomorrow comes. Yet, as each day passes, I feel I don't want a tomorrow, if being selfish.

"_I'll come back, I promise. Don't worry..."_

Even I could have sensed that uncertainty. Yet, I hadn't stopped him. If I did, this all wouldn't have happened.


End file.
